The Sound of Things Falling
by jenismyhomegirl
Summary: A prequel to The Island of Misfit Toys. Spencer and Paige form an unexpected bond as Ali's return disrupts everyone's life in Rosewood. But when A takes the opportunity to exploit their growing feelings, they both have to try and come to terms with their heated connection. This takes place during Season 5A's canon storyline.
1. Paige McCullers and Alison DiLaurentis

**I really thought it was best to leave The Island of Misfit Toys alone, but the reviews and the temptation to try and manipulate the canon story with this crackship were too great.**

 **Thank you to EVERYONE who reached out and to everyone who loves McHastings.**

 **This will be a multi-chapter story. If you haven't already, I strongly suggest reading The Island of Misfit Toys first, as this is meant to be a prolonged prequel to that one-shot.**

* * *

 **Chapter One: Paige McCullers and Alison DiLaurentis**

" _Paige? You deserve the best of everything."_

" _That's what I had."_

Paige walked fast, crying and sniffling to herself but trying to keep the noise down so she wouldn't attract attention. Not that it seemed a lot of people were out in Rosewood at night nowadays. She wondered when this heartache would subside, a sort of tear in her chest. Emily had clearly moved on. She had ruined everything with that note, with her stubborn defiance. Paige grimaced at the embarrassing sting of trying to flirt with Emily in front of that new swimmer. Sydney.

But at the same time, Paige assured herself none of this was really fault. Her relationship with Emily had been sabotaged since they started by Alison DiLaurentis. She had managed to drive a wedge so deep between them that they would never overcome it. After all, how many times now had Paige left Emily's house crying? Probably too many times for this to have ever been a healthy relationship.

Paige was now passing Spencer's house, which only made her angrier at this moment. Spencer reminded her of Emily and Alison, and it looked like it could rain any second. Spencer and Alison in the rain. Suddenly an ugly memory resurfaced, the kind that causes you anxiety years after the fact.

* * *

The grass on the field was bright and green, a sharp contrast to the blue-gray sky and clouds. It was clear that any second we would be drenched in heavy, fat rain drops.

"Alright ladies you aren't going to melt, this gym class is still happening." Our teacher yelled over the rumbling of distant thunder.

"There are probably child safety laws against keeping us on the field." Spencer commented to Alison, pushing her black, thick-rimmed glasses up on her nose. Spencer was looking around and our eyes met for a moment, causing Paige to blush. Alison and Paige both smiled at her comment, which would have been fine had Alison not noticed Paige smiling and looking at Spencer. The smile immediately dropped off Alison's face as she gave her a fierce stare. Alison and Paige squared off in the center of the soccer field, waiting to restart the game. They were standing close so no one could overhear the conversation once Alison started in.

"Is that funny to you dyke?" Alison asked, her words sharp. Paige glanced over, realizing someone was close enough to hear Alison's voice carry. She could tell Spencer heard Alison as well. Spencer was on Paige's side of the scrimmage this time, but she was still friends with Alison and went along with everything she said.

Alison wasn't finished, and as everyone ran to their places and thunder ominously rumbled again, she continued. "Don't look over at Spencer for any help. Unless you were just trying to check her out. I know she is your number two next to Emily, but I guarantee you none of my friends would EVER touch you Pig Skin." The anger hit Paige with a white hot wave of intensity just as the teacher blew her whistle again to signal the start of gameplay. Fuck this Paige thought as she let Alison get the ball. She waited a moment before purposely tripping Alison with her foot when she tried to run forward. Once Alison fell down, Paige kicked her hard in the back near her shoulder. Paige felt the anger inside burst like a bubble the moment her foot connected with Alison's flesh. Then the instant and painful sensation of guilt set in. She knew she should not have done that.

"What the FUCK?" Alison yelled, pulling herself up and rubbing her back.

"PENALTY!" Our teacher screamed, and the blood drained from Paige's face. This was suspension worthy behavior, something her dad could not find about. The teacher ran up to Alison. "Are you okay?" She asked. Alison shrugged her off.

"You're a psycho McCullers!" Alison hissed as she turned on her heel and began to walk back towards the gym. Spencer was frozen near Alison, looking at Paige with big, wide eyes. She didn't look upset, more surprised to see anyone step up to Alison. It was simply unprecedented to fight back to her bullying. But the moment passed and she turned to jog after Alison. It was only then the teacher looked at Paige, though she didn't look nearly as furious as a teacher should presumably look in this situation.

"McCullers! Over here now." She barked as she took her aside. Some of the other girls in the class started a collective 'oooo' noise to signify trouble was in store. The moment they were out of sight of the other girls, the teacher's expression dropped from anger and shock to casual indifference.

"Professionally, I'm going to have to send you to in-school detention. That was not the way to deal with her bullying." _Her bullying_. "But personally? She had it coming." She smirked down at Paige, and after a few seconds Paige smiled back, realizing it could have been a lot worse. Her parents wouldn't even be notified about an in-school detention and most importantly she could still swim. An in-school detention was essentially a glorified time out.

"Thank you. I am sorry for what I did. But thank you." Paige quietly told her. The sky opened and started pouring so they all ran to seek shelter indoors.

* * *

"Paige?" Spencer's voice knocked her out of her memories. Paige was confused; she was nearly home and had passed Spencer's place a good ten minutes ago.

"What are you doing out around here?" Paige asked. Spencer shook her head, as if trying to clear her brain.

"Had a lot to think about and couldn't sleep. Paige are you okay? It looks like you've been crying…" Spencer stepped forward and tried to touch her arm, but Paige stepped back like a startled animal.

"I'm fine." Paige automatically replied, but then thought better of it. "Well actually that isn't true. But it involves Emily. I'm not sure…" She sniffled as she trailed off. Her brow furrowed as she frowned.

"She hasn't been herself since we found Alison alive. I'm sure you guys will work it out." Spencer said stiffly.

"I don't think so. Not this time. She made that perfectly clear just now." Paige started to walk past Spencer, tearing up again, but Spencer stopped her by placing her hands lightly on the other girl's arms.

"I'm so sorry Paige." Spencer looked her straight in the eyes as she said it, her dark brown ones conveying a genuine sadness. "Listen…why don't you come over? I think we could both use the company to be honest. Tonight has not been kind to me either." It was a vague comment to make. Spencer could obviously control her emotions better than Paige felt she could control her own. Spencer seemed fine, her pale skin slightly flushed from walking but otherwise she was stone-faced and flawless. No one would have known she was upset right now had she not strangely thought to trust Paige.

"I'm nearly home and it's going to rain any second…" Paige started, trying to think of an excuse, any polite excuse. For sure she couldn't be serious about Paige coming over. They barely talked.

"Listen I know we aren't very close, but I still consider you a friend. A friend that looks devastated. And if I know anything about your parents they will be on you like hawks." That made a lot of sense. Paige's parents might even interpret this as the final straw for any involvement with Emily Fields.

"What about your family? Won't they be around?" Spencer shrugged and strained a smile.

"I can guarantee you I won't be seeing any more of my family members tonight." She let out a strangled chuckle, her eyes lit up with some kind of inside joke. Maybe she had found out about Melissa and Mona working together?

"Yeah…okay." _If you don't think Emily would mind_ Paige almost added, but managed to withhold the comment.

"It sounds like we both need to relax. And though it's conventional, I think I have a remedy."

"What did you have in mind?" Paige inquired.


	2. Surfing the Aftershocks

**Thank you the warm welcome back! I wish I could say I would update this frequently all the time...but the truth is I already had this chapter written.**

 **Just a reminder/ advisory (so no one can say I didn't warn them repeatedly): this fanfiction will involve Spencer and eventually Paige cheating on Toby and Emily, respectively. It is McHastings set during what is otherwise the canon storyline of 5A.**

* * *

 **Chapter Two: Surfing the Aftershocks**

Spencer slammed a bottle of tequila on her kitchen counter, pulling out a cutting board as well.

"Here it is! Can you grab some salt and limes?" She walked over to a wooden block and pulled out a small knife.

"Tequila?" Paige balked. Spencer stopped, looking up at Paige to gauge her reaction. She looked like a deer in headlights, ready to retreat at any moment.

"If you don't want to it's okay…I just figured we both had a rough night. And I don't know about you, but sometimes… I just want to feel like a normal teenager." Spencer explained in a low voice. This seemed to sooth Paige a little bit, her shoulders relaxing.

"Come on, let's run this upstairs to my room and I'll come down to grab us some beer for chasers." She led Paige up to her room. Then she opened the door and gestured towards the carpeted floor.

"Take a seat and I'll be right back." Paige nodded, still a little confused as to how she went from declaring her love for Emily Fields on girl's front lawn to drinking tequila with Spencer Hastings.

Spencer's room was nice, especially thanks to the four poster bed. Paige could see there weren't a lot of places to sit for multiple people. She had a desk and her laptop in one corner, and a seat by the window across from the bed. It struck Paige that maybe Spencer got lonely up here, though she wasn't sure what about the room made her feel that way.

After a few moments Spencer returned with two shot glasses and two ice-cold, open Coronas.

"Here." Spencer handed her one of the bottles and she took a sip. It tasted so fresh; this night was starting to seem like a good idea. "Mind cutting the lime?" Spencer asked as she handed Paige the knife. Paige took it and tried to figure out how to cut the lime, first trying to cut down the middle. Spencer made a small cluck of disapproval before smiling to smooth over her displeasure.

"What is it?" Paige asked, frustrated. She suddenly remembered the know-it-all side of Spencer that made her so difficult to be around.

"Let me show you." She stilled my hands with her own, grabbing the knife from my grasp. Silently, she cut the ends off first, and then proceeded to cut thick wedges. Paige made herself busy pouring the Patron into the two glasses.

Once she was satisfied with the lime, she purposefully licked the spot between her thumb and finger. Paige nearly spilled the tequila and quickly sat it down. "Uh…" She began till she noticed Spencer pour some of the salt on that part of her hand. Now she got it. So Paige did the same, feeling Spencer watch from the corner of her eye.

"Ready?" Spencer asked, raising the shot glass in the air.

"What are we toasting to?" Paige asked. Paige thought it seemed appropriate to ask what to toast to. Even at the rare parties she would drink at, she was used to toasting to things. Even if those things were getting drunk, as she suspected the goal was tonight. Again Spencer had a smirk on her pale face, like she was thinking about a joke. It was startling to see her pretending to be this carefree. It was like something had snapped in her.

"How about just trying to make it out of this town alive?" Spencer proposed, tapping her shotglass against Paige's before licking the salt on her hand and swallowing. Paige followed suit and they both bit hard into the flesh of the lime wedges to fend off the burn of the liquor. Paige still couldn't get over Spencer's out of character behavior. She felt concerned.

"Spencer…is everything okay with you?" The buzz of the liquor hit them quickly, and Paige already felt bold enough to question her.

"It's…not something I should really talk about now." Spencer said in a raspy voice, still trying to recover from the liquor's taste. She was looking at Paige again like she was taking stock of every part of her expression. "I know I already said it, but I am sorry about you and Emily. This is all so…"

"Confusing?" Paige hesitantly offered. Confusing was the best possible summary of life in Rosewood. Spencer gave a sad smile that didn't reach her analytical eyes.

"I guess saying everything is confusing is usually the go-to vague reply around here huh?" She offered. Paige nodded slowly and took another sip of beer, trying to erase the memory that kept replaying of Emily saying they just were teammates and schoolmates. Like their relationship could be broken down and explained in shared activities. Spencer noticed Paige's mind was somewhere else.

"Well tonight I don't want to leave the conversation in the vague territory so I'm going to say it. I think you did, in the long run, the right thing by writing that note to the cops. Alison is back home. Maybe the cops can't protect her, but she is better off here with us then on the run." She stopped, her demeanor soured as she thought about the situation.

"But she still won't explain everything to us…and none of us are the same people we were that night. Emily especially." She said in a quieter, hesitant voice. They made eye contact. Spencer waited a beat before looking down to pick a piece of lint off her blouse. The comment at once soothed and hurt as it reminded Paige that Emily had left, had in a way already chosen Alison over her.

"Thanks for saying you are sorry to see us break up." Paige finally said, her voice hoarse as she tried to restrain the tears threatening to fall. She was so tired of crying.

"I'm not just saying it. I mean it. You and Emily had something all of us are looking for." She grabbed the tequila bottle and started pouring another two shots.

"Well you have Toby."

"Yeah." Spencer finally said, noncommittally. They both applied more salt to their hands and downed a second round of shots. Again they bit into lime. Paige tried to take in the implications of Spencer's silence while the alcohol made her thoughts swirl. Spencer still wasn't talking, so Paige decided to press a little bit.

"Spencer…you said this is a night for honesty, right? I mean you and Toby are always…" Paige didn't know how to finish.

"Always what?" Paige tried to think of a better, more eloquent way to say it, but the tequila had her coming up empty.

"Always all over one another." Paige finished. Spencer let out a small snort in response. She thought the suggestion was a joke. She started to peel at the label on her beer bottle, focusing on tearing at the wet paper instead of meeting Paige's gaze.

"I love Toby. And he loves me. But things haven't felt right between us in months. We keep trying to protect one another, help one another. And all we seem to actually do is damage one another." Even though Paige's heart felt empty and achy at the same time, barely able to support her own conflicted emotions, she reached out and touched Spencer's knee, stroking it softly through her jeans. Paige wasn't the only one carrying this hurt, this emptiness. And what Spencer had just said reminded her all too much of the problems she had with Emily. A had tarnished all their relationships.

Paige looked up and noticed a few tears rolling down Spencer's smooth, pale cheeks. Spencer Hastings doesn't cry. At least not in front of acquaintances. It was terribly disconcerting, almost in the way a distorted image in a horror film can be. The liquor had emboldened Paige. She barely knew Spencer. Spencer barely knew her. One of the only times Paige ever touched her was on the Halloween train when she managed to throw Wilden off her.

Before she could think much about it, Paige reached out with her free hand to brush the tears away. Spencer looked up, incredulous and vulnerable, as Paige touched her cheek. For an instance, their eyes met. The room felt different, the silence around them quieter.

Spencer suddenly felt her jeans growing wet. Too wet too fast. Then she looked down and grabbed at the beer bottle Paige hadn't realized she had knocked over with her knee.

"Damn! Sorry." Paige jumped up to grab something to mop up the beer with. Then realized she had no idea where anything was in here.

"It's okay I got it." Spencer said, leaving the room to go grab a towel. She came back in and started to sop up the beer. Luckily it was light and didn't seem to be staining the carpet. Then she spoke.

"If we're being honest tonight, I was upset earlier when I ran into you. I…think my dad might have had something to do with Alison's mom." She husked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Wait what? Do you mean you think he…" Paige didn't want to say murder out loud. It wasn't her accusation to make.

"No of course not!" _Maybe I do_ , Spencer thought to herself, "I just…he isn't telling me everything he knows is what I mean. She might have been in trouble with someone…and she may have confided in him or something. And my sister…she wanted to tell me something earlier…but my dad made her be quiet. "

"Seriously? If he knew something why wouldn't he go to the police?" Paige flushed, recalling her encounter with Melissa during Mona's get together.

"Please don't tell anyone. I don't even know why I said it. I'm sure it's nothing." Spencer explained, trying to backtrack. Why had she said anything in the first place to Paige?

Paige thought about telling Spencer what she knew. But she could remember Melissa specifically pulling her aside after the meeting that night.

" _Don't tell a single one of them you saw me here. Not even Emily." Melissa warned. "Or I'll just tell them you only know because you were here as well."_

" _I'm just here to protect Emily."_

" _And I'm just here to protect Spencer. Keep this between us"_

"I'd like to think the best of your family…though I hardly know them." Paige finally said, trying to move away from the topic.

"That statement alone confirms you don't know them that well." Spencer quipped, drinking the last of her first beer. So she popped open another.

"It's hard to know anybody in this town, isn't it?" Paige asked out loud, although she was mainly talking to herself. Spencer regarded Paige. It had sounded like something she herself would have said. She took another sip of her second beer, and the wave of lowered inhibitions seemed to hit her all at once. She was impressed by Paige. And she felt bad that Paige was hurting.

"That's true. You know…" Spencer started, "we should try to break that bad habit right now."

"How would the two of us manage to do that?" Paige asked.

"We can take turns telling each other something about ourselves." Spencer stood up and gestured for Paige to follow her out of her room. "We can make it a game." She added. Paige was surprised to feel herself smile just a bit.

"Yeah okay. But what are we playing?"

"Well?" Spencer asked, turning on the television.

"Well I never figured you for a fan of video games. Let alone old ones." Spencer had suggested Duck Hunt. When Paige thought about Spencer suggesting a game, she assumed it would be Chess or something involving brain power and strategy.

"It's nice to not think sometimes. To just…take your mind off everything." Spencer said, handing Paige the orange gun controller. Their fingers brushed.

They began to take turns shooting at pixelated ducks. Unfortunately for Spencer, she had misjudged Paige's ability to play this game. After looking at the final score for the first round, Paige looked over and smirked. Spencer was right. It was fun to not think, to be distracted from thinking.

"You're up." Paige said.

"I was the one that tried to convince Emily you were A. And I don't think I've ever actually said it but I am so sorry I did that." Spencer revealed carefully. She didn't want to disrupt this evening, but it felt good to get it off her chest.

"Well…thank you." Paige said, willing herself to not start crying about Emily again.

"Another round? Because I'm not letting you win." Spencer said, trying to clear any tension after her apology. Paige nodded and stood to prepare and shoot at the screen. Spencer nearly lost, but managed to hang onto a lead the second round.

"I initially told Emily the reason I gave the note to the cops was I thought it was the right thing to do. Then I told her it was also because I didn't care what happened to Alison." Paige hesitated, clearly unsure if she should continue talking to Spencer this openly. But it felt good to talk to someone who knew them both as a couple. And maybe…maybe Spencer would even try to reason with Emily on Paige's behalf.

"But the real reason is I saw her as a threat to our relationship. Even from a distance, I knew that Alison had a power over Emily. And I was jealous and insecure about that." She finished, looking down and willing away the stinging sensation behind her eyes. She could tell Spencer was still looking at her, regarding her carefully.

They played the next round. The house was quiet and dark, except for the sounds of the video game and their movements as they played. Spencer was set to win again, but then missed a few shots. She blamed it on the alcohol, an uncharacteristic nervousness in her voice. Paige still didn't know where the rest of Spencer's family was.

"I had a little bit of a crush on you." She said it quickly and quietly, the words almost becoming one streamlined sound.

"What? Really?" Paige looked shocked. Her glanced nervously at Spencer, her jaw hanging open in a way that nearly made Spencer laugh.

"I just mean…you're a good person. I misjudged you before. And I think you are a lot smarter and brave then you realize. And you treat…treated Emily very well." Spencer said, trying to pivot away from any suggestion she was attracted to Paige. That is certainly not what she meant. Paige played with her beer bottle, rolling it back and forth between her palms.

"Em…Emily never told me that." Paige tried to smile, play it off. It had been an innocent statement, something to boost her ego.

"She didn't know." Didn't was past tense. So this crush is over now anyway. Instead of relieved Paige felt vaguely disappointed.

"Why?"

"Why would I not tell one of my best friends I had a crush, even one mainly built on admiration, for their girlfriend? I feel like that is self-explanatory." Her lips quirked up into a small but perceptible smile. She enjoyed teasing Paige.

"I just meant because she is gay and would therefore be a good person to talk to about a girl crush." Paige explained.

"So I'm supposed to report any girl crushes I have to my nearest gay friend?"

"Well you just reported to me." Paige quipped, relived when Spencer laughed.

"Touché. Want to play another round?" They shared a smile, a small moment of mindful happiness. But then Paige's smile faded a bit.

"I'll pass. I should probably get home. It seems like the rain has stopped." Paige took a peek outside to confirm it.

"You can stay here. Rosewood isn't the safest at night…"

"If A is gone, why wouldn't it be safe?" Spencer couldn't give Paige an answer to that question. Again their eyes met. "Thank you for tonight Spencer. The drinks and mainly the conversation…I think I needed this." Paige moved forward. Then she hesitated, seemingly unsure how to proceed. Spencer walked up and hugged Paige against herself.

"Thank you." Spencer whispered against Paige's hair before pulling away. Paige nodded at her again before she walked out the door.


	3. Thrown From the Ride

**Chapter Three: Thrown from the Ride**

" _Do you think we can hire Toby this weekend to help us replant the yard?" Veronica asked, still anxiously looking out at the backyard._

 _Spencer looked down, frowning. "Toby's at a job in Gilford." This was, strictly speaking, true. He would probably have come back to help her if she asked. But she didn't want to ask. He shouldn't be pulled from a paying job just to help them._

" _I don't think we can do this by ourselves…"_

" _Look I will find somebody to help but can we please just talk about this?"_

* * *

Paige walked down the hall, trying to make sure she wouldn't be late for class again. She had started scuttling around the halls at later times to purposely avoid Mona, Lucas, and anyone else that might pressure her to help them.

"Hey Paige!" She turned to see Spencer slamming her locker shut and jogging up to her. She hadn't spoken with Spencer since their unusual bonding session a couple nights ago. After she had walked back home and sobered up, she had realized how peculiar that night was. Between trying to comfort Spencer by brushing her tears away and the girl crush comment…maybe Paige was misinterpreting something. But she didn't feel like she was, however inexperienced with these things she was.

"How are you?" Spencer asked in a way that was clearly a formality. She wanted something, but it wasn't an update on Paige's feelings. Back to the old Spencer Hastings, Paige thought.

"I'm good but I'm running late for class actually." Paige replied, gesturing back down towards the hall leading to the science labs.

"Listen I know this is kind of random…but I was wondering if you could come over after school tomorrow?" Spencer waited for an answer for a moment. Then she realized Paige was probably confused as to what she was proposing. "I need help replanting the backyard…my mom asked me get Toby but he's not in town."

Paige hoisted her backpack up higher on her one shoulder, still confused as to why Spencer was asking her.

"Well I have practice after school. So I can't." Perhaps she said it more abruptly then she meant it. Spencer looked a little disheartened but murmured okay and started to walk away. Paige looked after her.

"Wait Spencer!" Spencer stopped before she turned a corner and listened. Paige cleared her throat before speaking. "Keep me in mind though. If you do need anything. I owe you for the other night." At this Spencer's brown eyes seemed to soften a bit. She nodded before walking away.

* * *

" _Let me know if you need anything." Spencer didn't want Andrew's help. But she really didn't have a choice now. She almost let him walk away before pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers in frustration before speaking._

" _Andrew wait…what are you doing tomorrow?"_

" _I have a feeling your about to tell me."_

* * *

So this is what it is now, Paige thought as her stomach clenched. Mona continued to hold her gaze across the outside of the restaurant. She no longer listened to Sydney and Emily's conversation.

 _She can hurt Emily._

"What do you think Paige? You want to try a normal slice of pizza?" Emily asked in a friendly, warm voice that continued to crack Paige's heart. She was trying to so hard and that hurt Paige even more. Emily had made it clear this was a platonic outing. But she was being so friendly, so inviting.

"No. I'm fine." Paige replied, despondently. Emily frowned slightly, noticing the abrupt change in Paige's demeanor. It was like a switch had been flipped. Maybe Paige wasn't okay with being friends this soon.

Mona just smiled wide at Paige, more of a threat than a friendly gesture. She looked like the calculating Cheshire Cat. Then she stood up and left after saying a couple of things to her companions.

Sydney either choose to not pick up on Paige's mood swing or remained blissfully ignorant, and managed to keep the conversation's momentum going as Paige ate quickly and promptly excused herself.

* * *

" _We were laughing and joking, and then out of nowhere she totally shuts down…" Emily trailed off, shaking her head._

" _Well maybe Paige is scared…getting too close, getting rejected again…"Aria offered, trying to get to what she really wanted to ask._

 _She should be scared, Spencer thought. But she didn't say it. She wasn't sure if she should tell Emily about comforting Paige the other night, about them talking and drinking with each other. Maybe Emily would consider that a betrayal…like taking Paige's side over hers. If there were sides._

" _I don't know if it's that…what?"_

" _Nothing." Aria said in a way that clearly implied it was something._

" _No say it."_

 _Well it's just I…I can't help but notice you've been kind of M.I.A. about Ali."_

" _So have you." Spencer finally chimed in, relieved that the subject was off Paige avoiding Emily and onto Emily avoiding Alison. What a bizarre triangle that made._

" _Yeah that's why I noticed. And we'll get to me in a second. I haven't seen you making frequent trips over there either by the way." Aria accused._

 _Spencer was exasperated. "Her mom was found buried in my backyard."_

" _Okay wait can we back up a second? What are you saying? That I'm scared to get close to Ali again?" Emily asked anxiously. Aria looked down at her coffee._

" _Do you still have feelings for her?" Aria asked. Spencer inhaled and held her breath._

" _I don't know. I ….really don't." Spencer looked intently at Emily, who sounded deeply confused. Spencer thought of Paige again. Did she even know that her instinct was right? That Alison had possibly usurped her position in Emily's heart? Paige had always been kind to Emily. Had practically worshipped the ground Emily walked on._

" _It's crazy isn't it?" Emily looked right at Spencer, making Spencer wary. If Emily knew what was on her mind, she wasn't sure how the other girl would react. "I mean we wanted this for so long. A life without A and Ali back. I thought everything would feel like it did before…but it doesn't." No it doesn't, Spencer thought. That was something they both could agree on._

" _But just so we're clear…you don't get to be some social Switzerland here. You're either with me or you're against me." Mona explained._

" _I'm not with anyone."_

" _Sure you are…at least you want to be. And Emily's with Ali."_

" _Mona?" She turned around to hear Paige out. "I'm just curious…you ever wonder when you became the very thing you're afraid of?" After Mona walked away, Paige spent a minute trying to control her breathing before driving home._

* * *

Emily wasn't going to listen. Or she was, but Paige wasn't interested in arguing with her again about Alison's motivations and toxic influence. She hated watching Alison turn Emily into a Stepford Wife.

But maybe there was someone she could talk to. Before walking back home, she changed course and headed toward Spencer's house.

Paige felt nervous after she rang the bell, not knowing who was home and that it was a tad late to come over. After a few moments, the door clicked open and Mr. Hastings filled the doorframe, holding a glass of something that looked like liquor in one hand. He looked at her expectantly but without recognition.

"Hi…I'm a friend of Spencer's and I was just passing through…is she home?" Paige instantly regretted her decision to visit. This was stupid. This was 2012. No one just randomly rang each other's doorbells. Especially in Rosewood.

"I mean…she's expecting me." Paige thought to add. It didn't matter, Mr. Hastings was already walking away. He called Spencer's name from the base of the stairs. After a minute, Spencer came down and Mr. Hastings walked away.

She looked distraught.

"Paige? What are you doing here?" She glanced back at the stairs, as if expecting someone else to come down.

"I just…I wanted to talk to you. About Mona. I tried with Emily but she wouldn't listen." Paige realized how pathetic she sounded. She sounded like an indolent child that hadn't gotten her way with one parent, so she went behind their back to sweet talk the other.

"What about Mona? Listen Paige this isn't a good time…Aria is over." Spencer said this in a way that implied something inherently wrong with Aria seeing them together. "So can we talk later?" She asked quietly, desperately. She didn't want to sound like she didn't want to see Paige, especially if the other girl had useful information. And the truth was she had enjoyed being around Paige the other night.

 _Shut down again_ , Paige thought. Paige opened her mouth to plead her case, but just thought better of it. She was exhausted. And maybe she could try and gain more information before coming to Spencer or Emily again.

"Okay." Paige said softly, defeated. She turned and walked away.

* * *

"Who was it?" Aria asked, eating the yogurt she grabbed from the Hastings's fridge.

"Oh it was just Andrew dropping off some notes I lent him from a class." Spencer said, the lie falling effortlessly from her lips.

"Where are the notes?" Aria asked.

"What?"

"You said he just gave you some notes…" Aria slowly said, smirking a bit at what she interpreted as a rare moment of absentmindedness for Spencer.

"Oh I just left them downstairs." She shrugged, turning so Aria wouldn't see her flushing a bit.

"I think there's something there." Aria observed.

"What do you mean?"

"Well obviously you wouldn't leave Toby, but it is pretty clear Andrew is into you. Looking out for you all the time and all." Spencer rolled her eyes.

"Yeah maybe. But like you said it doesn't matter." It doesn't matter, Spencer thought to herself a second time. She wished she could stop feeling guilty about how hurt Paige looked at being rebuked earlier. But Aria would think it was weird if Paige just randomly stopped by. She wouldn't understand why Spencer was spending more time alone with the other girl.

"Besides…I think the more important issue is my family acting even more secretive and distrust worthy than usual. I still can't get my dad to tell me where my mom actually is." Spencer explained, her voice cracking.

"Sorry you're right. Come here." Aria said, pulling Spencer against her shoulder. Soon enough, Spencer fell into a restless slumber.

* * *

 **Thanks again for the reviews, follows, and favorites. More McHastings (and a little Paily) feels will be coming soon. I appreciate your comments and enthusiasm :-)**


	4. Miss Me

**Chapter Four: Miss Me**

" _I'm sorry." Alison finally said it. Outright._

" _For what you did to me or for yourself?" Paige sounded angry but didn't care. This was about Alison giving a sincere apology for starting the war to begin with._

" _All of it." Alison explained._

Paige looked towards Emily, who just looked uncomfortable. Paige shook her head again at Alison thanking Emily for being their mutual friend. Emily would never be just a friend to Paige. Not after months of dating.

"Okay Alison." Paige said hoarsely. Being in the same room without fighting was about the most either of them could hope for. She nodded to signal the conversation was over and left the room.

After a moment Emily came down the hallway.

"Paige wait." She said softly, almost afraid to touch the retreating girl in case she was still mad. She knew she couldn't ask for Alison and Paige to be friends, but she didn't think this counted as a successful peer consultation.

"That's it Emily. That's all I can do. Don't ask me to go back in there." Paige's voice was raw with tears, residual anger, and exhaustion.

"I wasn't going to. I'm really proud of you for doing that. I don't like seeing you hurt or upset. Even if we're not…" Emily trailed off, but Paige nodded in understanding. It still ached to hear Emily call her a friend, but she kept trying to assure herself that it was all they could be at this point.

"Sydney invited me to the _Frozen_ singalong tonight…would you like to come?" Emily clasped her hands and looked down as she waited for Paige to answer.

"Okay. What time?" Paige asked. Emily smiled a bit, meeting Paige's eyes. _Not a date, just as friends_ , Paige reminded herself.

"Meet us at school at seven."

"Just the three of us right? I'm not…" Paige's voice cracked, "I'm not ready to be buddies with Alison." Emily looked slightly defeated, but forced her smile not to fade.

"Of course. Just the three of us." Emily reassured. It was probably for the best. Being in the same room as Alison and Paige had been trying.

* * *

Paige tried to ignore Bridget Wu when she saw the girl in line for tickets to the singalong.

"Paige…Paige!" Bridget slurred, trying to get the girl's attention. Paige sighed, realizing she couldn't ignore Bridget. Bridget was the Venus fly trap of gossip. She would pull you in with something enticing, but then pump you for information once she had you ensnared. And because Paige had no Poker face, Bridget could pretty much infer whatever juice she wanted from Paige's expression alone.

"Yeah Bridget?" Paige asked. Now she had done it.

"You and Fields are over right?" Paige's body flushed with an almost arthritic stab of emotional pain.

"Uh yes. We broke up." Paige said in a hoarse voice. It still hurt to repeatedly tell people.

"Well just so you know, between us. Sarah Feldman is single…and she is totally into you." Bridget winked to emphasize her point. Paige knew Sarah. She was a blonde girl in her English class with a beautiful smile. Paige hadn't even known she was gay.

"Oh well…I'm not ready…I mean I'm flattered. I didn't even know she was gay." Paige finally fumbled out the words.

"Oh just letting you know. And also…I saw Jenna Marshalls in town today. She must be back to recover." Bridget said somewhat somberly but certainly not soberly.

"Recover?" Paige asked, confused.

"Yeah you didn't hear? Shana Fring died! And Jenna was supposedly dating her."

"No…I didn't realize that." Most of the time Shana had been around Paige, she had been working to undermine her relationship with Emily. She hadn't realized Jenna and Shana were involved. She also didn't realize Jenna was into girls.

"So do you think Alison is sincere about apologizing to us? To everyone?" Bridget took a sip from a flask she tucked back into her purse. But Paige could hear a faint note of earnestness in Bridget's voice. She actually wanted to know for herself, not just to get another piece of gossip.

"I…I don't know yet." Paige responded.

* * *

" _So are you Anna or Elsa?" Paige looked at Emily, trying to will her heart to stop pounding hard in nervous optimism. This is not a date, this is not a date, Paige repeated in her head. An important mantra._

"… _I'm humming." Emily said with a smile as they walked inside._

There was something about the way Paige had just looked at her…Emily wasn't sure if she needed to manage Paige's expectations or her own. It wasn't like she could just shut off her feelings for Paige.

Sydney rushed down the aisle, grabbing the best seats she could towards the front and center. Emily was going to sit in the middle then.

As soon as the house lights went off, Paige could feel her body trying to lean close to Emily's. And Emily was angled slightly towards her.

* * *

By the middle of the singalong, Paige and Emily's hands had found each other. At first they just pretended their fingers weren't touching. Then for the last song, their pinky and ring fingers began to tentatively graze each other. A slow, subtle movement that they wouldn't dare speak of for fear of ruining it.

Even when Sydney turned to say something, she noticed it and kept her comment to herself. Good for them, she thought.

 _Maybe someday_ …Paige thought.

* * *

" _Maybe Mona deserved it…but you went out of your way to lie to us. Again." Emily said. She led the start to leave Ali behind in the bathroom._

The others dispersed to go to class, but Spencer circled back to the lunchroom. She was relieved to still see Paige sitting there, talking softly with Lucas and Sydney.

"What do you want Spencer?" Lucas asked, anger in his voice. Spencer started to respond to him but thought better of it. He was just lost, twisted to think whatever Mona wanted him to. Paige held up a hand to silence Lucas anyway, hopping down from the table they were sitting on to walk over to Spencer away from earshot of the others.

"Can I help you?" Paige asked in a low voice. Spencer searched Paige's eyes, trying to find the gentle soul she had encountered days earlier.

"Paige…I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you came to my house the other night." Spencer hoped Paige would come around and open up to her. Paige folded her arms over her chest.

"This is so typical of you guys. Following her around again even though you are all so much better than this. Emily actually had Alison and me talk the other night. And then Emily…we…I thought for a second she was regretting leaving me." Paige looked wistful for a moment, remembering. "But now it is back to how it was freshman year with the five of you. No room for all the people you ridiculed." Spencer was surprised to hear something might have almost happened with Paige and Emily again. Not after Emily was already starting to act the same old way around Alison.

Spencer believed Paige deserved better.

"Paige please…" Spencer wanted, needed Paige to just listen. She needed to gain Paige's trust again. "I don't want things to be like they were back then. They can't be. And I'm going through something right now."

"It already feels that way. I'm sorry I can't do this right now." Paige said.

"Can't or won't?" Spencer asked, touching Paige's arm. She was surprised by how much she wanted Paige to forgive her. She didn't just want information…she felt bad for being complicit in something that hurt the other girl. "Paige…you're better than this."

Spencer's hand was still holding Paige's arm. Paige looked down at Spencer's hand, then over at Sydney watching the interaction, so she stepped away from Spencer's touch, leaving Spencer's stomach full of confused knots and dread.

"So are you Spencer. I…just give me some time, okay? I have to figure some stuff out." Paige said, her earnest brown eyes making Spencer feel a little better as Paige walked away.

* * *

Spencer sat in Toby's truck. She had just told him everything about New York.

"Are you mad at me for waiting so long to tell you?"

He wasn't. She had screwed up royally with Paige, basically shoved her into Mona's army…but Toby didn't bat an eye at her revelation. She leaned back into his arms, trying to seek the comfort she desperately craved. Finally she turned to kiss him, deciding it was best to not talk anymore anyway. She was so tired of talking.

* * *

Hanna tried to pay attention to the news report, but her eyes caught Alison and Emily holding hands tightly. _Go figure this would start up again_ , she thought.

"Are they together now?" Hanna whispered, asking Spencer since she was the closest.

Spencer leaned back and responded with a question, "Have you been drinking?" Spencer could smell the beer on Hanna's breath. But then she looked over.

Sure enough, Emily and Alison's hand were entwined. Spencer rolled her eyes. _Not this again_. Especially with what Paige had said earlier. They were just proving her right…they were reverting back to their old selves. And Spencer didn't want that. She couldn't be the Spencer she was anymore.

Then the window shattered as something exploded outside.

 **Again, THANK YOU for the reviews, favorites, and follows. They are always such a nice way to show support and help me stay on track. I know you guys are probably getting frustrated with these chapters; I can promise this is the last one that sticks very close to the show. I needed to set the scene before diving into more original writing. Starting in the next chapter Spencer and Paige's interactions will start to drastically differ from the canon. I hope to have it up somewhat soon.**


	5. Run, Ali, Run

**Thanks for your patience, and your reviews/follows/favorites! I hope you enjoy...**

* * *

 **Chapter Five: Run, Ali, Run**

Emily knew she'd find Paige in the locker room. The other girl was usually the last one out, especially since becoming captain this year after Emily got injured. She didn't mean to startle Paige when she came looking for answers. Paige was reluctant to tell her anything at first. But Emily couldn't leave Alison in danger.

"Look I know how you feel about Alison. But could you live with yourself if something happened to her knowing you could have stopped it?" Emily asked, trying to reason with her. Paige sighed. She had some willpower when it came to other things, but none when it came to Emily.

Paige met Emily's gaze, then dropped it and looked down at her lap as she spoke.

"Okay. Besides Mona, I saw Lucas…and Melissa Hastings. But there's more too…"

* * *

Forty minutes later, Paige stared at her phone, trying to decipher her dad's latte order so she could attempt to articulate it to the barista. Not looking up, Paige ran into someone. Instinctively, she held out her arms out to brace herself for balance. It reminded her of running into Emily a year ago, when she had made the mistake of trying to kiss her.

It took her a moment to look up and realize it was Spencer she had her hands all over. She flushed and pulled away.

"Hey sorry." Spencer said, visibly distraught. _Probably because you acted like a jerk last time you saw her_ , Paige thought to herself. Spencer moved to walk around Paige, but Paige held the other girl's arm for a beat longer.

"No I'm sorry." Paige asserted. "I'm actually glad I ran into you…do you have a moment to talk?" She asked, nodding over at some empty seats. Spencer looked over, eyeing the seats and thinking about the idea of sitting here with Paige.

"Okay. Just for a bit though." Spencer didn't want to go back to the hotel she was staying in anyway. It was too hard being shut out by her mom anytime she tried to mention her dad. Her family had always been difficult but imagining her parents split was awful. And with Toby trying to deal with the aftermath of the explosion…she didn't have much to lean on right now.

"I'm sorry about how short I was with you the other day. I was confused after Mona showed me that video." Spencer's eyes were piercing, and Paige was having a hard time remembering why she had shut the other girl out at all. "Anyway Emily asked me about some of the people I thought may be helping Mona. So I gave her names." _Of course she would give the information to Emily_ , Spencer thought.

"Thank you for telling her. That was generous of you." Spencer admitted.

"No it wasn't. Generous would have been telling you before, and not snapping at you because of what Mona did." Paige looked down nervously, her voice lower. "How's Toby?"

"He's going to be fine. It's scary but he's going to be fine." Spencer twirled her coffee cup in her hand. Paige wasn't sure if she should bring the other thing up. Spencer already looked so distraught, but at the very least she should know the rumor mill had already spread the news around school.

"And how are things…at home?" Paige hesitantly asked. Spencer looked confused then shocked. "You know how Rosewood High is…Bridget Wu told me in gym class." Spencer rolled her eyes. Why should she be surprised? Even with everything else, she still attended a normal high school that thrived on dramatic, personal stories being aired out in public.

"Not good…I tried to make them talk through whatever it is. I mean my dad's not perfect but my mom is just trying to leave him without a word." Spencer looked down, choking up on her words, her voice raw. "It's complicated…I'm actually staying at a hotel with my mom. She won't even discuss what's happening. And I hate it there. Being there feels wrong." Spencer adds.

"The hotel feels transient. It isn't home." Paige nods, understanding all too well what it feels like to hear parents argue. Her parents were still together, but they had been through some rough patches. And Spencer is already going through too much…

"Why don't you stay with me tonight?" Paige offers, tentatively reaching out to touch Spencer's knee. The contact is unexpected, and Spencer almost pulls her leg away. But then she lets it happen. Paige's earnest concern is soothing. Spencer had noticed over time that Paige didn't seem to want or expect anything in return for being nice. Most people do.

"Your parents allow you to have girls sleepover?" Spencer finally asks, smirking. Paige's face breaks into a smile.

"Of course. As long as they sleep in the guestroom." Paige said, her voice dropping a bit lower as she looked in Spencer's eyes. The look was meaningful, nearly flirtatious. Spencer dropped her eyes first.

"I'll think about it." Spencer said as she stood up, stretching. "Thanks for the offer. And the apology." She added as an afterthought.

"It's my pleasure." Paige responded, watching Spencer walk away.

* * *

Spencer watched her parents from across the restaurant, aching for them to just reconcile. At least talk to each other. Her family had never been ideal, but it made her sick to imagine her parents splitting up.

Something caught her eye. Her phone lit up. It was a text from a number she didn't recognize. Her stomach clenched, the stomach acid seeming to sting her from the inside out.

 _Is this Spencer Hastings?_

A didn't need to ask if it was her or not. A also used unknown numbers, not just a Pennsylvania number that could be traced. Spencer typed out a message, simply asking the other person who they were. But by the time she sent it, she already had another message.

 _This is Eddie. I couldn't talk to you at Radley. If you come to my apartment, I can try and give you some of the information you are looking for._

She felt relief wash over her. Not A. She quickly typed back that was great, and that she could be over tonight.

 _Good. Please feel free to stop by anytime tonight._

He sent the address. This is the break she needed. She looked over, and her father was hesitantly touching her mother's hand. She smiled.

* * *

" _I can't go back in there. I was committed…" Spencer said, already musing on how she could circumvent the fact she had been committed there._

" _And her dad helped Toby's family win his settlement against Radley." Emily added, trying to explain to Aria why Spencer couldn't investigate Radley. Spencer remembered how Paige had promised to help her if she needed it. And considering Paige had helped to liars already today…_

 _Spencer coughed to get Aria and Emily's attention. "I think I have a way in…"_

* * *

"Paige? You said I could call you if I needed you…" Spencer said, trailing off. This felt strange. She never asked favors. But if A truly was back, she didn't want to risk going somewhere alone or incriminating her friends further.

"What is it?" Paige asked, nervously.

"Can I take you up on your offer for me to spend the night?" Spencer had an unusually nervous tenor in her voice. It was putting Paige on edge.

"Of course."

"And I need you to come with me somewhere. Is that okay?"

"Where? Spencer what's going on?"

"I can explain everything in the car. Just…meet me outside your house. I'll pick you up in an hour."

"Okay." Paige said, hanging up. She glanced up in her mirror at the message scribbled in what looked like red lipstick:

 _NONE OF YOU ARE SAFE._

She gulped and started to erase it before getting dressed.

* * *

Paige had sat in silence for a few minutes, but eventually decided she wasn't being noble by not asking questions. "What exactly are we doing Spencer?"

Spencer didn't take her eyes off the road or her hands off the steering wheel. Her GPS was on, guiding them to somewhere on the outskirts of town. "We need information about Bethany Young. She was a patient at Radley before that night."

"The night someone killed her thinking she was Alison?"

"Exactly. We need information that Eddie might know." Spencer explained.

"Am I missing something? Who's Eddie?"

"He works at Radley He texted me earlier to meet him at his apartment, and that he could try and answer my questions." Spencer held the steering wheel at the 10 and 2 'o clock positions. Paige wasn't sure why, but she found this endearing. Spencer's perfectionism could be, and had been, abrasive at first. But as Paige got to know her, she admired Spencer's tenacity. But she still wasn't sure what she was doing here. So she asked.

Spencer seemed to hesitate at this question. She wasn't completely sure why she brought Paige. She had asked Paige to let her spend the night so she wouldn't alert her parents by coming in late. She wasn't sure how long this would take. But if Eddie knew as much as Spencer hoped her did, it could be a long time.

Maybe she just wanted another witness. But she also wanted the company. And Toby was obviously occupied. And she was hoping to leave the other girls out of this for once.

Paige just seemed like the logical choice.

* * *

"He's not going to find it weird I'm here? When I'm a total stranger?" Paige asked, getting a bit more nervous now that they had arrived at the apartment building. It looked like a three flat, with only a few apartments. Eddie's apartment was on the third floor. Spencer noticed all the names on the directory looked new.

After Spencer rang it took a moment but she heard a voice crackle on the intercom.

"Who is it?" Eddie asked. Spencer let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

"It's me, Spencer. And I brought a friend. But she's cool." Spencer added, cringing at her words. This wasn't a party she was trying to sneak Paige into.

"Alright. I'll buzz you in." Eddie said right before the loud buzzer signaled.

Spencer tried to assure Paige on the way up.

"Eddie is very nice. I don't think he will mind that I brought you." Paige hesitated at the entrance. The hall seemed dark. Like a light had blown out. Spencer remembered Emily confiding in her months ago that Paige had started to develop anxiety. Spencer reached out and took Paige's hand. Paige's hand was soft and dry.

"Come on let's go. Sooner we go up the sooner we can get this over with." Paige looked at their clasped hands. She let out a shaky breath, interlocked her fingers with Spencer's, and followed her up the stairs.

The door to Eddie's apartment was slightly ajar. Now Spencer stalled, trying to figure out why his front door would be open. Maybe he had to go back into another room after buzzing them up and letting them in? But then she realized her could hear him.

"You can come in. I'll be right there." He said.

Spencer and Paige walked in the threshold. It took Spencer a moment to realize what looked wrong. It was far too sparsely furnished.

"No!" Spencer let out a guttural cry and pushed Paige out of the way, trying to grab the front door. But it was too late. It slammed shut. No discernable way to open it on the inside.

They were trapped.

"What? You said your friend had set this up?" Paige cried in disbelief.

"It's a trap. A set this up." Spencer's eyes were wide, panicked as she tried to find another way out. She didn't want to stick around for whatever A had in store. "But I heard him. On the intercom. And just now." Spencer took off down the long, hardwood floor.

"Spence wait!" Paige hissed, trailing Spencer anyway. Spencer turned a corner into a room facing the street. Except the windows were shuttered, covered over with wood and nails. From their angle on the street minutes ago, they couldn't tell the windows had been blocked from the inside.

The room had two pieces of furniture. There was a rocking chair that was still moving a bit and a table with a stereo. The stereo had a note: _Play me._

Spencer hit play. A cassette started up. At first there was a burst of static, but then a voice came on. A recording of Eddie Lamb.

 _Who is it?_

 _Alright. I'll buzz you in._

 _You can come in. I'll be right there._

"Oh God." Spencer said, looking at Paige with fear in her eyes. "It was a recording." Then Spencer's eyes focused on something behind Paige, at the door to the room.

"Wait stop! Why are you doing this?" Spencer screamed, trying to run at the dark hooded figure. But it was too late; A slammed the door shut. The reinforced door. Locking Spencer and Paige into the small room they were in.

Spencer banged on the door to no avail. Paige tried to take deep breaths, wondering how on earth she got involved in all this again. Then she tried to think.

"Spencer…the note…there's something on the back of it." Spencer was still clutching the "Play me" note. She turned the note over, and they read it together.

 _I've seen the way you look at each other, when you think no one else is watching. Do what you have to do. Don't worry…I'll keep your secrets – A._

"That doesn't mean…A wants us to…" Paige trailed off, blushing and embarrassed to finish the sentence. Spencer slowly sat the note down on the table, before looking up and shaking her head as if A had a camera set up to watch the show.

"Nope. No way. Not going to happen!" She declared, still looking up as if she was addressing a security camera. If there was one, Paige couldn't see it. All Paige could see was just a set of radiators and pipes. Then Spencer's reaction sunk in.

"Seriously Spencer? Is that really the most terrible thing you can imagine?" Paige exclaimed, surprised at how offended she was.

"Get over yourself. This has nothing to do with not wanting or wanting to with you. I'm with Toby! A is trying to force us to do something they will later have evidence of. Another incentive to do what they say later or else they show Toby and expose us. It's essentially negotiating with a terrorist." Spencer explained, kicking a wall.

"How do you think I feel? They could show it to Emily too."

"Emily is not with you anymore, in case you forgot." Spencer winced as soon as the quip left her throat. But it was too late; she already saw the pained look on Paige's face before she hung her head. "Paige…I'm sorry. I'm frustrated and I wasn't thinking." Paige looked past Spencer, starting to walk away.

"Come on. There has to be another way out of here." Paige tried to reason, her voice rough as she began to look around. They both reached for their phones.

"No signal." Paige said, holding hers up.

Spencer shook her head. "Mine neither."

Spencer started tapping the walls, hoping against hope there was a hidden door. A secret mechanism they could use to get out. Something. But she couldn't find anything. She tried to block out of her mind why A would orchestrate this. How A could have possibly known she would even bring Paige. Paige was trying in vain to unscrew the heavy wood covering the windows, eventually trying to throw her weight against it enough to break it. The wood wouldn't budge.

Eventually Paige let out a grunt of pain. Spencer walked over, carefully touching the shoulder Paige had been slamming against the wood.

Then a sharp hissing noise from the pipes on the ceiling went off, as the pipes started to blow out a cloud of gas.

"What the hell?" Paige asked out loud, a panic catching the words in her throat.

"It's gas. And I'm guessing it is the lethal kind based on this A's modus operandi. I just need…" But the rest of Spencer's sentence was never finished.

Instead, Paige grabbed her roughly by the hips with one hand. Paige searched Spencer's eyes for a moment, noting the confusion and hesitation with a slight glimmer of curiosity, before she connected their lips.

Spencer raised one hand to push Paige away but Paige caught it at the wrist, her grip strong but not forceful. It didn't matter anyway as Spencer melted into the kiss and stopped struggling, her free hand instead wrapping around Paige's neck to pull her closer.

She opened her mouth to let Paige's tongue meet hers as the kiss deepened. Spencer's only coherent thoughts were a jumble of _A never having stated it had to be a French kiss,_ and the repeated reminder (mantra?) she was kissing Paige McCullers. Her best friend's ex-girlfriend. And God it felt good.


	6. Shadow Play: An Interlude

**I feel so flattered by the reviews that have been written! They are so well-written and reassuring; I'm glad the style of narrative is making sense. Any reviews are nice, but these have been above and beyond. Thank you thank you thank you!**

* * *

 **Shadow Play: An Interlude**

 _This is a dream. Somewhere deep inside her mind, Spencer understood this was a dream. A dream she didn't know she had. In fact, she felt like someone else had put her here, in this dizzying world between waking and sleep._

 _She had asked Emily to press Paige for information on Shana. Somehow Shana was connected to Alison, and Spencer had to figure out how. She looked over her shoulder. She could see Paige and Emily talking at the Rear Window soda shop; despite the fact she was sitting in a chair in her own living room. This was a dream after all._

 _Paige was saying something to Emily. She was trying to get Emily to understand something. Spencer felt her heart lift a bit at the side of Paige. The other girl was just so earnest in her devotion. There weren't many pure things left in this rotten world, but Paige's affections were one of them. Spencer felt a touch jealous of Emily, who never seemed to understand the gift she had with Paige. She glanced away. She didn't want to leer at what was obviously a private conversation between the two. But she stole another glance at Paige before turning her attention away completely._

* * *

 **Present Day:**

Paige's body felt like it was burning. Just as she began to feel Spencer really respond and kiss her back, her lungs started to demand oxygen. She pulled away, gasping from the lack of oxygen and the intensity of the kiss. They both frantically covered their mouths and noses with the fabric of their clothes, trying to prevent whatever A was leaking into the room from getting into their lungs. Spencer looked panicked and began to collapse; almost falling to the ground till Paige grabbed her and set her down gently. But Paige's lungs couldn't hold out anymore. She hit the ground next to Spencer, her final coherent thought about the unfairness of it all.

Spencer woke up with a crick in her neck. She struggled to wipe the sleep from her eyes. Then she remembered. Eddie. A tricked them. A had asked them to kiss. To prove a point. The door was unlocked and wide open. And whatever A had filled the room with must have dissipated.

Spencer looked at Paige, who was slowly coming to. Spencer felt a stab of misguided anger at seeing Paige. Paige didn't seem to understand what A could do with blackmail like that.

Most of all, Paige didn't understand how different this was from A's behavior in the past. _How could A know?_ Spencer allowed herself to think it only for a moment. Then she tensed her muscles, trying to bury the thought that A had figured out and exploited a weakness she didn't even know she had.

"Are you okay?" Spencer asked. Paige nodded, coughing slightly.

"Spencer…I'm sorry. I just did what I thought we had to do…I don't…I mean…" Paige was cut off in her half-hearted apology.

"I know. It's fine." Spencer lied, her voice hoarse. "Anyway…it worked." She nodded towards the door, barely waiting for Paige to get up before bolting towards the exit she knew would now be unlocked.

Paige figured Spencer was ashamed of kissing her. She was ashamed of it herself for various reasons. But it had been basically been forced upon them. In the end, they had done what they had to do.

* * *

"It's late. Is it still okay if I stay here?" Spencer quietly asked as she pulled up to Paige's house. It was the only time she spoke on the way home, though Paige knew Spencer's mind must have been working overtime the whole trip home.

"Of course." Paige replied, trying to gauge what Spencer was feeling. Thankfully, Paige's parents seemed to have already gone to bed, but she knew they would check to confirm she had sent Spencer to the guest room.

"This is my room…" Paige said, opening the door and gesturing towards the inside for Spencer to peek in. She led Spencer further down the hall to the guest bedroom. "…And this will be yours." Paige walked in and turned on the light for Spencer to see it. Spencer nodded in appreciation, setting her bag down. But Paige could see Spencer was still thinking about what happened.

"It didn't mean anything." Paige offered, as she focused on pulling down the covers to the guest bed. She could tell Spencer was looking at her intently, but chose to ignore how it made her feel. The pulling feeling in her stomach was just because it had felt nice to share a kiss with someone besides Emily.

"Of course it didn't." Spencer said a beat too fast. "Why would it? I mean I'm not…gay." She added, trying to sound casual. Paige nodded to herself before turning around and gesturing towards the bed like it was the prize on a game show.

"It's all yours. Have a good night." Paige said before walking out the door. Spencer cursed at herself. She had tacked on that comment about not being gay, but in hindsight it sounded like she was saying something negative about it. There was nothing wrong with being gay; obviously Spencer supported Emily and other gay people she knew. It just wasn't her thing. But somehow A seemed to have known Paige was an exception to the whole not gay thing. The only exception.

She texted Toby, and slipped out of her street clothes and into her pajamas. It had been a long night. Yet she couldn't fall asleep. And Toby wasn't responding. That was typical; he would probably be in bed by now.

There had always been something about Paige. Something Spencer probably wouldn't have noticed or been able to articulate until she found out Emily was gay. When Emily had first started mentioning Paige, Spencer had been flustered. Because she remembered what it had been like to see Paige's strong muscles. Her hoarse voice. Her passion for winning and succeeding which had mirrored Spencer's own desire to win.

But Paige was head over heels for Emily. Emily had been her only serious romantic interest. And Spencer knew she had Toby. Toby was comforting. Toby felt safe. Even if Toby's kisses didn't set her on fire like Paige's one had. That flash in the pan passion didn't last. It was faulty foundation.

* * *

Paige tossed and turned in her bed, trying to process what exactly had happened that night. Eventually she tried to read to take the edge off. Paige wasn't much of a reader outside things assigned for school, but she had taken a liking to Sarah Waters and was trying to plow through _Fingersmith_. She liked books about how complicated love could be.

Most people, including her friends, assumed Paige's first crush had been Emily. It was a logical thought. She loved Emily completely. She had admired her from afar. It was all very romantic. But Emily hadn't been her first significant crush. That had been Spencer. And somehow A had known that. Paige had no idea how, but somehow A had drudged it up and made it a clever threat out of it. Yet again she was being dragged into this dark world of threats thanks to a beautiful girl she seemed unable to stay away from.


	7. The Silence of E Lamb

**Thanks for your feedback on the last chapter and your patience! I had to play around with the timeline of when Paige finds the rat a bit for this story, but otherwise I'm trying to remain relatively faithful to the canon storyline. As always, I appreciate your feedback and look forward to getting the next chapter up a bit quicker.**

* * *

 **Chapter Six: The Silence of E. Lamb**

It wasn't until the next day after practice that Paige found the rat in her locker. After the initial shock, she explained to the coach what had happened. She was promptly excused for the rest of the day.

"What do you mean someone played a prank on you?" Her mother asked, incensed at the story. "Leaving a dead rat in your swim cap is bullying. It's cruel. And they carry diseases." Paige rested her head in her hands. She was sitting on the couch while her mom paced in front of the coffee table in their living room. The tea they were about to have was now cold and long forgotten.

"I know mom! I had coach excuse me from class and I came straight home. You really can't ask for a better-behaved daughter!" Paige explained.

"Oh honey I know that. I just wonder…if Rosewood is even a safe place anymore. Especially because everything that keeps happening seems to revolve around your friends." Paige immediately understood the subtext.

"Just say it. This is really about Emily. You think Emily is ruining me." At least they were far enough in their relationship that Paige knew it wasn't about being gay. And she knew her mom's intentions were good. But the road to hell was paved with good intentions. Paige had lost Emily to learn that lesson.

"That's not what I'm saying. I think Emily is a lovely girl…but maybe a little confused and overwhelmed right now. Especially with her friend Alison being back." Paige nodded, noting the tears stinging her eyes and threatening to fall over. She reached for her tea but nearly knocked it over because her hands were shaking.

"I can remember what typical teenager problems are like. I know you are going through something far worse than if you wore the right outfit to school or if your hair looks nice." Her mom came and sat beside her at this point, setting a hand on Paige's shoulder. "Why don't you take a few days off school? Just consider it staycation. Mental health days." Her mom waved a hand through the air like it was a wand opening up possibilities.

A few days away from school sounded so good. Blessedly good. She could train from home, and try to get herself off Mona's radar. Her shoulder and back were still achy from trying to break through the wood A had put up in the abandoned apartment, so it would help to let it heal. Paige smiled and nodded yes.

* * *

"I was feeling okay till Sydney explained someone planted a dead rat in Paige's locker." Emily said, frowning.

"Mona?" Spencer asked. After her initial feelings of guilt, it was getting a little easier to be around Emily and realize her friend had no idea what happened between her and Paige.

"That's what I'm guessing. Although I don't even want to know where she would have gotten the rat." Emily said, shuddering a bit. "Anyway please try to finish up with Ezra as soon as possible? I really need you over at my house tonight."

Spencer tried to be subtle. "I will try my best but I really can't make any promises…besides it will be fine. Your mom is just concerned but it isn't like she will grill Alison too hard. Alison is a mastermind at avoiding giving answers." She added sarcastically. Emily looked in her eyes, trying to figure out what exactly Spencer was really trying to get at.

* * *

 _Melissa shrugged, still holding the garbage. "Let me throw this away then we can talk." She said, starting to walk past Spencer. Spencer moved so she was in front of her sister. She was full of nervous, nauseous energy._

" _No if he left a mess I should clean it up he was here for me…"_

" _No it's okay!_

 _Spencer grabbed the bag._

" _Just let me do something okay? Please?" Instantly a rotten odor hit her._

" _Spencer…" Melissa sighed trying to get the bag away._

" _Ew what is in here?" Spencer asked, the smell only getting stronger as she opened the bag to look inside. She saw a bit of brown fear and a black, dead eye before dropping it in shock._

" _Oh my God!" She looked up at her sister, awaiting an answer. But she already knew it. Melissa had slipped the dead rat in Paige's locker. She had probably put food out on purpose to attract a rat to the traps._

 _Melissa smirked and shook her head at Spencer's shock. "I told you he left food out." She repeated, grabbing the bag and dumping it out._

 _Spencer had tried not to think of Paige the past couple days, partially as a penance for what had happened. But now the other girl was all she could think about._

* * *

Spencer rang the doorbell to Paige's house. She hoped that Paige's invitation to stop by anytime was still open, even after what had happened before. She had just finished up with Ezra, but didn't want to be anywhere near the dinner table at the Fields house tonight. And she just wanted to see Paige and make sure she was alright.

Paige's mom opened the door. She looked both happy and confused by Spencer's presence at the door which almost made Spencer laugh despite how inappropriate and random that would be.

"Hi?"

"Hi…my name is Spencer. I'm here to see Paige?" Spencer realized she should explain why she had just shown up. She pulled her backpack off one shoulder and swung it forward, pulling a textbook out a little bit. "I have the homework assignments she missed." Paige's mom seemed to relax at that.

"Aw…Spencer from field hockey right? I think I remember you. Please come in." She opened the door wide and gestured for Spencer to enter. Then she softly shut it and walked over to the stairs, calling Paige's name. After a few moments Spencer heard some rustling and then footsteps rapidly coming down the stairwell.

Paige regarded her with a curious mix of confusion and excitement. Spencer offered a small smirk, almost unable to hide her own relief at seeing Paige looking okay despite the ordeal she had been through in the past few days.

"Your friend brought over some homework assignments for you to look over. Isn't that nice?" Mrs. McCullers asked. Spencer thought it was refreshing to see such a sweet, unburdened parent. She hoped Mrs. McCullers would never be put through the stress her parents had to go through.

"Yes it is. Thank you Spencer."

"Listen you two can go upstairs if you need to go over some assignments. Do you want anything to drink or snack on?"

"No thank you Mrs. McCullers. This shouldn't take long." Spencer replied, following Paige up the stairs.

Paige was walking in front of Spencer, but she whipped around once they got in her room.

"I know what this is really about." Paige said with a nervous hiccup in her voice.

"You do?" Spencer asked incredulously as she sat down on the side of Paige's bed. She looked up at Paige, waiting for her to elaborate.

"Did A…did they blackmail us? Did they show Emily or Toby the…you know?" Paige trailed off, embarrassed to say it out loud. She wanted to tell Spencer that A was doing this to get at her. That Toby shouldn't be upset at Spencer. This was all on Paige. Spencer wasn't even like that.

"No! Of course not. It's about…"

"I know why A is doing all this stuff. The rat in my locker…the message in my room…forcing us to kiss." Paige was working herself up pretty bad, her anxiety clear as she paced and talked out loud. "Just…when the time comes. Here's the thing. You can tell Toby that A put us up to it because they know that I…used to have feelings for you." Paige hesitated on the word used, but figured that was better than admitting the truth out loud.

Spencer was trying to keep up, trying to organize her thoughts. But hot blood was rushing around her body, clogging her logical thoughts.

"Paige it's not that…would you sit down?" Her voice was low and raspy. Paige froze and slowly came over to Spencer and sat next to her. "I don't know about the other things…but I'm pretty sure my sister was responsible for the rat. And she wouldn't have threatened our lives over a kiss."

"I'm not sure who to trust anymore." Paige sighed.

"Used to have feelings for me?" Spencer asked, finally understanding what Paige had just said. Paige had sat so close to her. She could feel the heat of Paige's skin, their hands inches away on the bed. Spencer looked up, meeting Paige's eyes. Something flickered in the other girl's expression. Hunger.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Paige whispered, staring straight into Spencer's eyes, she glanced down at Spencer's lips. Paige's mouth felt dry, and she licked her lips.

"No…you didn't. You don't. I…" Spencer realized she wasn't going to be able to finish her statement before their lips connected. She could feel Paige's hot breath mingling with hers as Paige leaned in, overtaken by her feelings. Spencer hesitated to respond as Paige's mouth moved insistently against hers. This is Paige. She shouldn't be doing this. But she couldn't seem to stop it.

Paige reached up, caressing Spencer's jaw as her other hand found purchase against the other girl's hip. She nearly got carried away before she realized with a stab of anxiety that Spencer wasn't pulling away but wasn't kissing her back.

She had made a mistake.

Paige pulled away; ready to begin apologizing for temporary insanity. But Spencer shook her head, grabbing the back of Paige's neck to pull her back. This time their tongues meeting as their kiss became more frantic, both of them moaning into each other's mouths.

Paige felt like bursts of electricity were shooting up from her stomach to her jaw. She pulled away and whispered against Spencer's mouth. "Why does this feel so good? I can't seem to stay away from you."

"I don't know." Spencer responded honestly. "I shouldn't…I can't do this…" She added, her voice torn. Paige pulled away.

"I don't want to get hurt again. I know you can't do this." Paige seemed to shrink in on herself as she spoke. Spencer already missed Paige's soft lips against her own. And the way Paige was looking at her, so longingly…is this what Emily had given up? "I mean you're not even gay." Paige added, managing a small, almost pained smile. Spencer wasn't gay, but the things she felt for and wanted to do to Paige weren't exactly a testament to her heterosexuality.

"If things were different…" Spencer quietly said, trying to not cry. She hated feeling so vulnerable. Hated that she felt so alive around Paige, when she should only feel this way for Toby. She had once felt like this for Toby, but it was hard to forget the past. It was hard to feel he was there for her when he often wasn't there at all. And as the rift between them increased she was drawn closer and closer to Paige.

"I know. Did you actually have any homework assignments for me to look over?"

"You actually want to do your homework?" Spencer asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No. But I do want something to show my mom in case she sees through your ruse." Paige responded. Spencer opened the backpack and they both reached in at the same time, their hands brushing against each other. They both froze, Spencer drawing a sharp intake of breath as their hands lingered against one another.

"This is going to be hard." Spencer murmured, finally breaking their contact to grab the folder she had been reaching for. Paige nodded in agreement.

* * *

 _Spencer looked up from the kitchen island, noticing Melissa. Her sister. The same one who had been conspiring with Mona. The same one who had threatened Paige with that rat. As her and Melissa started to go at it over their parents, Spencer's thoughts kept returning to Paige. Now they shared a secret too, just another one of the dirty secrets Rosewood thrived on._

" _Parents aren't supposed to just stop loving one another." Melissa whispered._

" _This isn't about love otherwise there wouldn't be bodies buried in backyards up and down the block. This is about lies. Whispered conversations that stop when someone enters the room." Spencer paused, considering how to finish her thoughts. "This is about Alison. And what really happened to her. And what happened to that poor girl who ended up in the ground."_

 _After a few moments, Melissa replied. "You're right."_

" _I am?"_

" _But it's still about love Spencer. Sometimes, people do things they can't explain, things they regret. But it is still about love." Then her sister turned and left the house._

* * *

" _I'm sorry I put you in the middle of all this. If you need anything please call me. Listen…even if you don't need anything…just…call. Please? Okay I love…I'd love to hear from you. I hope you're alright. Bye."_

Paige had listened to the voicemail at least five times, and her heart broke a little each time she heard Emily almost say "I love you." She couldn't stomach talking to Emily after what had happened with Spencer. She needed this time to sort through her feelings on a lot of things.


	8. Scream for Me

Note: Wow at the finale. Pretty much all I can say without spending the whole chapter discussing. Sorry I fell off for a bit there. I will definitely try not to keep you waiting that long again.

Thank you again for the favorites, follows, and reviews. They mean a lot!

* * *

 **Chapter Seven: Scream for Me**

" _Sorry. I know that you wanted to put Radley behind you." Spencer said, grabbing her phone back from between Toby's hands. She felt like she only hurt him nowadays. She wanted to stop hurting him. Or at least come clean._

 _Toby was looking off, his stare distant. After a moment he responded. "I can't put this behind me till it's over. And it's not. But it might be soon. Once I'm asking questions from the inside." He then got up and started heading towards Spencer's refrigerator. Right. She had promised him dinner._

" _From the inside of what?" Spencer asked. Toby looked into the nearly empty refrigerator, incredulous._

" _Did both your parents move out?" He asked, clearly a bit irritated by the lack of fresh food._

" _No my mom's just not sitting down for meals. Barely even eating." Spencer actually wanted to talk more about her parents to him. She felt like she was bottling up too many secrets and emotions._

" _You're parents are going to work through this Spencer. They have a lot of history together." He said dismissively, grabbing a couple of frozen dinners._

" _That's what's splitting them up." Spencer explained. She should tell him. He didn't need to know who it was, just that there was someone else. Someone she couldn't stop thinking about. "What did you mean by the inside?" Spencer asked, her mind and mouth still not working at the same pace._

" _The police department. I enrolled at the Harrisburg police academy." In that second, Spencer realized she wouldn't be able to come clean after all. If Toby was serious…he had just changed the entire trajectory of his life for her._

" _No you didn't. You wouldn't do that! Why would you do that without telling me?" She asked, grasping at straws._

* * *

"Maybe we should go to the hospital." Emily was concerned…Spencer's eye was looking worse by the minute. Spencer fumbled in her pocket and pulled out her keys.

"I'll be fine…but you will have to drive." Spencer couldn't believe A had gotten them in such a vulnerable position yet again. She wanted to cry, but could tell the tears would aggravate her injured eye even further. "When we get back, we need to tell the others." She added. This cycle was familiar and exhausting. Go find clues, nearly get killed, and never get one step further to the truth.

"Toby wants to join the police." She admitted. Emily looked over in shock.

"What?"

"Eyes on the road!" Spencer cautioned. Then she repeated herself.

"Why?"

"Because he wants answers. He wants to try and protect us all from the inside." Spencer explained, trying to grasp the terrible timing. If she had kissed Paige just days earlier, or talked to him right afterwards…maybe she could have stopped him from doing this.

"Hey…don't worry. Toby is smart, and he's strong. And he needs answers about this just as much as us. He still never found out what happened to his mom at Radley." Emily was right. Toby was doing this for himself just as much for her. Spencer felt comforted by that…it seemed far less like she deceived him that way.

"Maybe you're right." Spencer said. They were silent for a while after that, each girl lost in their own thoughts.

* * *

" _If you becoming a cop is going to put an end to this then I say go. Study hard. Graduate early. Because coming back to this house my parents split up… it's not just the messages anymore. it's getting so much worse." She hoped Emily was right. She hoped that Toby was going to do this with or without her approval or encouragement. Because she didn't want to lead him on. She had to decide what she wanted eventually._

* * *

Paige woke up after she heard a branch crack in the tree outside her window. Adrenaline spiked through her veins when she heard leaves rustling. Someone was trying to climb up to her bedroom window.

She grabbed her phone off the charger, getting up and ducking behind her bed. She would crawl to her bedroom door and try to get to her mom and dad's room. Then she noticed she had a missed call and a couple texts. From Spencer.

Then she heard a thud and a feminine groan. She closed her eyes in frustration before heading out and down the stairs to let Spencer in before she woke up Paige's parents.

The cool night air felt soothing. She hadn't even thought to put on slippers, but she ran up to Spencer barefoot.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I was trying to just up the tree and knock on your window but as you can see it didn't work out too well." Spencer was clearly upset about something. She rubbed at one of her eyes, wincing. "I called and texted you." She snapped, gesturing towards Paige's phone.

"I had it on silent since I was sleeping. It is still the middle of the night last time I checked. Spencer what's going on? Why are you here?" Paige asked, trying to soften her own voice. They didn't need to start fighting.

"I just…I didn't know who else to talk to. Toby is joining the police and Hanna is drinking too much. Aria and Emily are busy with their parents. And don't get me started on Alison and her…manipulations." Spencer kicked at the grass in frustration.

"Yeah okay…why don't we go inside? But you have to be very quiet…I think you can understand how bad it would look if my parents caught me sneaking a girl in my bedroom." Paige gestured towards the house, silently encouraging Spencer to follow her in and up the stairs.

Spencer unloaded everything, starting with the ill-fated trip to the horse farm and ending with Alison upset with her and Hanna still drinking too much. She didn't shy away from telling her about Toby joining the academy. After all, Paige wouldn't have any expectations that Spencer would tell him. Paige asked questions a couple times, but otherwise just quietly listened. After Spencer seemed to have run out of steam, undoubtedly exhausted, Paige finally spoke.

"Well, I can't say whether your parents will work through this. History does mean a lot…I know it kept my family glued together when I came out. But I hope they find their way back to each other. As for Alison…I really don't think it's my place to give my opinion of her at all." Paige smiled a small, sad smile at her last words.

"You don't have to. Besides, I think our opinions of her are more aligned than you would think. I'm worried about the effect she is having on Hanna…and Emily. In different ways. Hanna seems displaced and Emily is blindly following her. Like always." Spencer noticed the pained look on Paige's face at those words. "Sorry." She added.

"It's okay. It's nothing I don't already know." Paige said sadly. She looked at Spencer's swollen black eye with growing concern. "Let me get an icepack for that. And aspirin."

Paige came back and gently encouraged Spencer to take the medicine. Then she instructed her to lie back. Spencer obediently laid back on the bed. Then Paige pressed the icepack to her eye.

"Here hold it there. It will help reduce the swelling." Paige's voice sounded far away. Spencer started to realize just how bone-tired she was as the events of the day started to blur together in her mind.

"Do you mind if I just rest my eyes for a bit?" Spencer asked. She didn't hear Paige's response, falling asleep in the other girl's bed. Paige had begun to say that probably wouldn't be a good idea, but realized Spencer had just passed out cold. She arched an eyebrow, watching Spencer sleep. Even as she dozed she looked stressed and unrestful.

Paige turned off the lamp on her nightstand, and grabbed a throw blanket to put over Spencer's body since the other girl had fallen asleep on top of the covers. Then she sat in her chair, not wanting to make Spencer uncomfortable. She would give Spencer sometime to rest before waking the other girl up. She deserved that much.

* * *

"Paige? Are you asleep?" Spencer's words pulled Paige from a dream about travelling somewhere.

"Not anymore…I must have dozed off. What time is it?"

"It's around two am." Thank goodness, Paige thought. If they had fallen asleep till morning, her parents would have grounded her forever. Paige stumbles over to the bed, still drowsy.

"How's your eye?" Paige takes the ice pack and sets it on the floor, stroking Spencer's eye. The other girl winces, but the swelling has gone down.

"Better." Spencer swallows hard as Paige's fingers linger on her forehead, tracing her jaw. Paige shakes her head at herself, pulling away.

"Thanks for listening earlier. I…I should get home." Spencer stands up and Paige does too.

"You can't go home now…it's the middle of the night and it obviously isn't safe. Stay in the guest bedroom and I can explain it to my parents tomorrow."

"I'm afraid if I stay I'm going to do something I'll regret." Spencer says carefully, searching Paige's eyes. Paige realizes her room feels hot. She can smell Spencer's fruity shampoo and minty toothpaste. She can even smell her sweat a little bit, and the idea of Spencer sweating…the image of Spencer sweating under Paige, awakens a part of her. An urge Paige has only associated with Emily. For a moment, she wants Spencer against her.

"Do you regret it?" Paige asked, her voice a low and hoarse. Spencer steps closer to the other girl, defying her mind's pleas to leave.

"I should more than I do. I did the most when he was saying he was joining the police force." She was inches away from Paige and she could feel the heat coming off her body. It would be so easy to step forward and let herself get wrapped up in it once again. She knew Paige was struggling with her attraction, which only made it more tempting. She felt wanted and listened to in a way she hadn't with Toby in months.

"Like Em…Emily said, he is doing that for himself as well. You made a mistake being caught up in the moment. There's really nothing to forgive."

"I'm not sure Emily would feel the same way. Me and the other girls…we've never fought over a boy."

"Well you still haven't since I'm a girl." Paige said, laughing. Spencer chuckled too, surprised to hear the sound of her own laughter. "Not that you are fighting over me at all anyway." She added in a serious tone. Paige knew no one would ever really want to fight for her.

"The only time one of us got into over a guy was me and my sister. I never wanted to do something like that again." Paige went to touch Spencer's arm to comfort her, then thought better of it and pulled her hand back.

"I'll stay away from you, if that's what you want." It hurt Paige to say it. She hoped Spencer wouldn't take her up on it.

Spencer didn't respond to Paige's offer one way or another. She leaned in, listening to Paige's breath hitch in anticipation. She kissed the other girl's cheek and went to leave the room.

"I'll let you know when I'm home safe." Spencer said before shutting the door.


	9. March of Crimes

**Chapter 8: March of Crimes**

Sorry guys! Life has been crazy, and my motivation to write has been off. I hope the contents of this update make up for it a bit. Thanks for the readers who stick with me on this.

* * *

 _Whatever happened to Caleb in Ravenswood…it was bad. Spencer realized that the minute Caleb started to shut down on her mid-conversation. She wanted to see him and Hanna work through this but now she wasn't sure if that was even possible._

" _It's none of my business…and maybe I'm not one to judge. But the thing is that I always thought you were the best thing that ever happened to Hanna, and it really hurts to watch you guys fight whatever it is that's eating at you guys like this is. But you guys used to draw strength from one another and now…I don't get this…"Spencer tried to explain while talking out loud._

" _I got to take a shower." Caleb said, before turning to open the door and effectively ending the conversation._

* * *

Paige slammed her locker shut and started to walk out the locker room before running into a familiar person. Literally.

"Oh! Sorry." Paige said quietly, trying to move around Emily. Emily just blushed at the contact before stepping back a bit.

"No worries…this seems to keep happening in here." Emily said, toying with the whistle dangling around her neck. Paige glanced at it, smiling a bit.

"I see you took the coaching position." Emily looked down at the whistle, grinning.

"You were always so observant. I hope it won't be weird…us working together in this capacity." Emily added, trying to pick her words carefully.

"I think it will be fine." Paige dry swallowed, confused about how she felt. She had been ready to jump Spencer just last night, but she couldn't deny the comforting familiarity she felt standing this close to Emily. "Sorry I have to go." Paige said, ungracefully slipping past Emily and walking away.

Emily had never known Paige to be that short with her. Maybe she wasn't completely comfortable having Emily so close to her every day after school. But with time they would figure it out. Emily was confident. Right now she had to get to Noel's locker and see what she could find. Whatever Noel was up to, it wasn't good.

* * *

 _Spencer hyperventilated as she tried to sound strong and assured. The last thing she wanted was for Noel to figure out how scared she was that he might actually attack her right now. While they were completely isolated at her lake house. No one would be coming to her rescue now._

" _You're not the only one who needs insurance Noel. We need it too! And I promise you I will keep it in a much safer place than this, okay? Now go." He was seething but he finally relinquished and stormed out. She attempted to return her heartrate to normal. She was strong. She had dealt with so much already and couldn't let one encounter with Noel freak her out so much. And she needed to get to Aria's mom's engagement party._

 _She needed so much yet only wanted one thing._

* * *

Spencer could hear Paige shouting her name on her way up the driveway. She had finally calmed herself down, but she had panicked after her encounter with Noel. So she called the first person that came to mind.

"I came as soon as I could…are you okay?" Paige started to kneel in front of her, but Spencer stood up. She wrapped her arms around Paige, breathing in the other girl's comforting scent. She felt calmer for a brief moment. Then she pulled back just enough to connect their lips.

Paige reacted immediately, startled.

"Spencer are you sure?" Spencer just nodded and leaned in again. Paige didn't hesitate again; her lips were soft and insistent. Truth was she was hungry for Spencer, but also cautious about pushing the other girl too far.

Spencer pulled Paige back with her, towards the couch still covered in a white sheet. They fell gracefully together like they had practiced this routine. Spencer curled a hand around Paige's hair and bit her lip. Paige adjusted herself and her leg nestled in between Spencer's, cause a shot of heat inside her. Spencer moaned into their increasingly frantic kisses, and then deliberately rocked against Paige's thigh. As soon as she felt that friction she knew she wanted it again. So she rocked again and again, till Paige almost reluctantly moved in time against her, creating a familiar and deliberate rhythm.

Paige broke their kiss, trailing a series of tiny kisses along Spencer's jaw before arriving at the crook of her neck. She began to suck at Spencer's pulse point. Spencer shook her head, shooing Paige away.

"You can't leave a mark." Spencer said. Paige stilled, realizing the implications of Spencer's words. This wasn't just another reckless kiss. They were being deliberate this time, acknowledging exactly what they were doing. They moved against each other again in a slow grind, up and down and back and forth. Paige moved away from Spencer's neck and instead nipped at her earlobe. Paige's warm breath against her ear caused Spencer to reach her hands down to Paige's hips, trying somehow to bring them even closer. By now she was throbbing, aching for relief. She was starting to care less about control.

She traced Paige's lips with her thumb and Paige met her eyes, searching them for something before leaning down to kiss her again. Paige started to slowly move her hand to the hem of Spencer's shirt, toying with the idea of running her hand over Spencer's bare skin underneath. Spencer groaned and nodded her head, trying to give Paige permission to take it further.

Then Paige's phone began to vibrate insistently in her purse, the purse she had dropped as soon as Spencer grabbed her. But the ringing was causing the phone to vibrate and move against the floor, creating a jarring noise.

"Sorry." Paige whispered as she lifted herself up and off of Spencer. Paige looked stricken when she read who was calling.

"…it's Emily." She said in a tone that was both heartbroken and resolved. She picked up the call and walked outside. Spencer pressed her hands to her flushed face to cover her eyes. Her horniness quickly turned to shame and guilt as her body slowly cooled down. She could barely hear Paige's side of the conversation, but her words were hushed and comforting. Spencer had always admired Paige's devotion to Emily.

She had already gotten the messages from Aria and then Emily that the engagement party had been cancelled. So her no show did have a chance to cause any issues.

Now Spencer's phone went off again with another text message.

 **After all, you were always interested in other people's leftovers right? – A**

Just then Spencer heard a branch snap to the side of one of the picture windows. She started to call for Paige then remembered to stop herself; she didn't need Emily to hear her in the background. Slowly, she edged over to the window, trying to angle her body and see who could be there. When she got there, she couldn't see anybody.

Then she felt a tap on her shoulder and jumped.

"I'm so sorry." Paige stammered, alarmed at Spencer jumping.

"It's fine…I just thought I heard something." They looked in each other's eyes for a moment. "We should go." Spencer added. Paige nodded her head at the suggestion.

"Sounds good to me" Paige answered as Spencer pushed her back towards the couch. When the furniture caught Paige's fall, she caught Spencer in her arms and began kissing her again.

 _Just for a few more minutes_ Paige thought. _Just let me have this for a few more minutes._


	10. A Dark Ali

Very sorry about the delay guys! I appreciate anyone sticking in there with me, and I appreciate your kind words and follows. I will not leave this story incomplete and I'm very close to the conclusion! Thanks to everyone that has been updating during the hiatus...even though I haven't gone through and written reviews yet it helps motivate me to see everyone else's stuff!

* * *

 **Chapter Nine: A Dark Ali**

"See the way she blushes whenever you talk to her? She's obviously into you." Sydney said, nodding towards Sarah as she walked away from Paige. The same Sarah who Bridget Wu claimed was into Paige as well. Paige rolled her eyes and followed Sydney towards the locker room.

"She wasn't blushing. I was just giving her some notes for class since she missed yesterday." Paige thought she always had enough girl troubles to deal with, but she kept that to herself. Sydney's smirk widened to a knowing grin.

"Whatever you say." Sydney stopped walking. "Hey Paige?" She asked softly.

"What is it?"

"Do you think…I mean…is Emily still upset with me? Do you think I should try to talk to her again?" Sydney looked worried, like a dog that had just gotten into trouble earlier and was trying to approach their owner and see if they had been forgiven yet. But Paige didn't see any harm in sugarcoating the truth a bit.

"Not yet…but she'll come around." Sydney seemed to absorb that information before nodding and walking away.

The truth was Paige knew Emily came around for some people. Namely Alison. For others? She wasn't so forgiving of perceived slights and breaches of trust. Emily had barely forgiven her for giving that note to the police. She would never forgive her if she realized the feelings Paige had acted on with Spencer.

Just thinking about the night before took Paige's breath away. But she exhaled a shaky breath and entered the locker room, trying to not get distracted by thoughts of Spencer Hastings's kisses. Her light, hesitant touch growing more and more confident as they had made out. Paige started unbuttoning her button-up shirt, and then took it and her shirt off.

She had a feeling if they weren't at the lake house yesterday…if they had been in a bedroom…but fortunately they hadn't been. They had stopped yesterday. But Paige worried she wouldn't be able to stop it again. Just as she started thinking about Spencer, the other girl turned a corner in the locker room and walked up to her.

"Paige do you have a minute?" She asked, nearly breathless. She then noticed Paige's state of undress and blushed, averting her eyes to the lockers. Paige noticed a couple of her teammates, Sydney included, taking note of Spencer Hastings talking to Paige in the locker room.

"Uh…I guess…what's up?" Paige responded, realizing how flustered she was. Even now being this close to Spencer was making her body buzz in a warm, pleasant way. She flushed and tried to be nonchalant about continuing to change. Then Spencer leaned in, her breath warm on Paige's ear.

"If you had to convince Emily to do something…something that would benefit her but hurt Alison…how would you do it?" Paige pulled away, incredulous.

"I'm not the right person to ask. You do remember Emily dumping me in front of you because of Alison, don't you?" Spencer frowned, though it was hard to tell if it was because she realized that was a hurtful memory for Paige or because it hurt her to think of Emily and Paige together. Of how much they loved each other and how much it would hurt Emily if she knew.

"You know Emily better than any of us. And I can be a little…well sometimes I'm lacking in the soft skills needed to convince someone of something." Spencer admitted. It was then Coach yelled a five minute warning before practice started. Paige took a deep breath and tried to think it out.

"It isn't going to be easy…especially when it comes to Alison. I would just lay it out for her. And try to come from a place of understanding. When I know isn't easy when it comes to the two of them. It's always the same with the two of them…you can look now." Paige was in her swimsuit with a towel hanging off her hips.

"Thanks." Spencer licked her lips. A moment passed as they looked at each other. Then Spencer pushed herself off the bank of lockers and walked away.

* * *

" _Emily... Ali is not our friend right now. She's a dangerous person who has no problem gambling with our lives."_ _Spencer tried to act normal around Emily. Really she did. But it was getting harder to talk reason into her when it came to Alison. Especially with how guilty she felt for her own involvement with Paige._

" _She's not dangerous, she's hurt." Emily pleaded._

" _I'm sorry, what?" Emily shifted her gaze so she was no longer looking straight at Spencer. Spencer tried to remember Paige's advice…try to come from a place of understanding._

" _She doesn't want me to tell you."_

" _Oh, no, of course, she doesn't. It's always the same with you two, isn't it?" For a brief moment, Spencer even forgot to feel guilty about Paige. Emily didn't need Paige. She cast her to the side the minute she realized Ali was really alive._

" _Just trust me, okay? She's not gonna ID this guy. She's gonna wait out the 48 hours and after that the cops have to let him go, and it's all over." Spencer tried to quell her frustration before responding._

" _And you believe her? After all the lies she's told?"_

" _I do. We're either all in this together or we're not. Ali's not the problem, Spencer." She's not the only problem, that's for sure, Spencer thought in response._

* * *

"Thanks for coming over." Spencer said as she opened the door. Paige stood there for a moment, her backpack slung over one shoulder, before she entered. Spencer had already laid her stuff out on the coffee table. Focusing on homework had brought little relief for her tension. She'd like to think she invited Paige over to help keep her focused.

"No problem. How's your family holding up?" Paige asked as she took a seat on the couch. Spencer grabbed two glasses and poured them water, bringing it over to the table. Paige noticed Spencer sat as far away from her on the couch as possible. She shook her head, trying to clear it of those thoughts. _This is Emily's best friend._

"They are stressed out as to be expected. My mom is working all night and Melissa has retreated to her lair." Spencer added in an irritated tone.

"Sounds like you are pretty stressed as well." Paige cautiously admitted, glancing up at Spencer before looking back down at her homework. What was she doing her anyway? It wasn't like Spencer Hastings needed help with her homework, let alone from her.

"It's been rough." Spencer responded, her voice cracking. Paige had never seen Spencer come undone like she had in the past few months. Of course she used to not pay attention to Spencer. She used to be singularly focused on Emily Fields. She reached across the couch and scooped Spencer up, pulling her tight against her…

" _You weren't there, Em" Alison pleaded. But Emily had hit her breaking point. Even with Alison, which till this moment she hadn't fully known was possible._

" _When? When wasn't I there?" Emily asked, raising her voice._

"I wish I could make all this go away for you. I keep trying to do what I think is right. It is getting harder and harder to even figure out what's right and what's wrong." Paige finished, unable to help her body's response to being so close to the other girl.

Spencer nodded. "I know how that feels."

"Did you seriously invite me over to do homework?" Paige finally said, so low Spencer wouldn't have heard it if she was anywhere but in Paige's arms. Inches away from her lips. She could lie. Just another little white lie on top of all the other ones. But Paige would see right through the lie. She knew it. And she was sick of lying to everyone. It would be nice to let one person in.

"No. I didn't." Spencer stuttered over the words she was so nervous. At least she had allowed herself to admit what she wanted out loud before leaning in to kiss Paige.

 _Alison tried to explain, but Emily was fired up now._

" _When Hanna broke her leg because of "A"? When I almost died in an elevator because I was trying to find out who killed you? Or when Spencer had to check into Radley because of everything your disappearance put us through? The past several years haven't been easy for any of us, but what makes it okay is that we stick together. We don't turn on each other."_

The hard part, at least to Spencer, was stopping. Though she was nervous, not sure exactly how to escalate things, she was no longer a virgin. Kissing simultaneously felt overwhelming and yet not enough. It was a prelude. She needed more. Paige just kept her insistent pace, but Spencer could feel Paige's fingers trembling as they slowly moved up in increments. Paige's breath was labored with her struggle to show restraint. Paige let out a frustrated sigh as she moved her hands away from Spencer's body.

"Come upstairs." Spencer hadn't realized she had spoken out loud till Paige's eyes met hers with a searing intensity, a longing question. So Spencer repeated herself, whispering this time. "Please come upstairs."

" _I have a plan."_

" _Oh, I'm sure you do! The problem is you'll throw us all under a bus just to pull it off."_

They stood facing each other in front of Spencer's bed. Paige was gazing at Spencer thoughtfully. Finally she began to tentatively pull her own top off over her head. Spencer mirrored her action, removing her own top before says in a low voice.

"I've never done…this…before. You know…with a girl." Spencer felt her cheeks flush at what she was saying. What she was about to do. Paige almost looked overwhelmed, but took a deep swallow and stepped forward.

"I'll show you the ropes." She breathed, pulling Spencer gently by the nape of her neck into a passionate kiss. This was intense enough that Spencer forgot her own nervousness, unable to concentrate on anything but Paige's proximity. Spencer cupped Paige's jaw, letting her tongue brush against Paige's lips.

Paige unhooked Spencer's bra with one hand before using both hands to cup Spencer's breasts. Spencer moaned in Paige's ear before biting down on the girl's neck. She wanted to leave a mark even though she knew she shouldn't. They couldn't leave physical evidence of this.

It seemed just as soon as Paige's hands had finally begun to tease her breasts, they began a slow trail down her trembling skin to her jeans. Spencer gasped at the sensation. Even Paige's hands slowly winding down her bare skin felt incredibly erotic. Paige unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, giving Spencer another meaningful look.

"Are you sure?" Paige asked, letting her fingers glide over Spencer's wet panties. "God you're so wet. Spencer…" Hearing Paige say her name in such helpless revelry sent another bolt of arousal down her whole body.

"Just do it." Spencer gasped, wanting Paige to just take what she wanted. "I need you Paige." She pleaded, shocked at how helpless to her desire she sounded. They had been building up to this for weeks and she needed the release. Needed to share this most intimate act with Paige.

" _I stuck up for you against Paige. Against Spencer. Against everyone. I wasted so much time on you." Emily said, raising her voice while imagining the damage she had done to her relationship and friendship respectively._

"Lay down." Paige said quietly, her eyes dark with desire. Spencer obliged and Paige soon joined her, grinding slowly against her. Spencer gasped against Paige's lips, gently scraping her nails against the other girl's back in appreciation of the sensation. Spencer reached around, attempting to undo Paige's bra strap with one hand. She fumbled, and Paige smiled against her lips before reaching back to do it herself. When she noticed Spencer blushing from embarrassment, she chuckled.

"It isn't always easy to get it undone on someone else." Paige assured her, but Spencer noted that she would have to pay more attention if she was going to master this.

"I'm not used to be bested by anyone at anything." Spencer said, reaching down to stroke Paige, but Paige was quick. She grabbed Spencer's wrists with one hand, slamming them against the pillow above Spencer's head. The commanding action sent a bolt of arousal right between Spencer's legs.

"This isn't about being best. I just want to make you happy." Paige explained as she started a path down Spencer's body with her mouth, occasionally nipping her skin with her teeth. Paige had said happy, but Spencer knew she meant more than happy. She wanted to make her come. Wanted to satisfy her. Wanted to pay complete and utter attention to her body without any ulterior motive. It made Spencer feel far more naked than she ever had with Toby. And Spencer wasn't sure what that meant.

"Just…" But the rest of Spencer's command was lost as she felt Paige's tongue and fingers move against her. It felt ticklish and curious at first till Paige began an intoxicating rhythm. Her hips started to shake as she adjusted to the sensation becoming consumed from the feeling. She started to moan, noting she had never felt the need to moan this loud before.

" _Emily. I'm gonna make it right. I am. I can still find out who "A" is. Please."_

" _I'm done, Ali. I am so done with you." Emily declared, wide-eyed and flustered as she stormed away._

"Ugh!" Spencer cried out as she rode the waves of her orgasm. She nearly passed out from how intense the release was. Paige delicately kissed her down there one last time before pulling herself up so she was lying beside Spencer.

Spencer curled up against the other girl, sighing in contentment.

"See? Not everything has to be a competition." Paige said wryly, smirking as she kissed Spencer's forehead. Her words broke Spencer out of the post-coital standby mode her body was in.

"Maybe not…but let's see how well I learn by example anyway." She whispered, shifting to be on top of Paige.


	11. No One Here Can Love or Understand Me

Thanks to everyone for your incredible patience and kind reviews. I saw StrangeAttractors's review last week and I was like "success! I FINALLY am writing an update!" In particular I want to thank DC41781 for the shout out in your story _The Art of Deception_. That was quite the honor. Also siophiefandom - you are so kind to not only post wonderful stories but review so many others. I really feel like you are this incredible, positive force in this fandom.

Anyway I'm sorry about the delay. But I hope it is worth it as this is the largest chapter yet, and definitely the one I kept thinking of when I first started this story. Just in case I didn't make this clear in previous chapters, the portions in italics are scenes from the show with some inner thoughts and feelings of the characters to flesh out this version of the events. Occasionally they serve as a way to indicate some first-person thoughts in other scenes, but they are mainly to say "hey this happened on the show, hence the launching you into a scene randomly."

* * *

 **Chapter Ten: No One Here Can Love or Understand Me**

Spencer was confused as she woke up. She was facing her desk where her computer sat, curled up against the edge of the bed. Then she felt the arm wrapped protectively around her. She remembered it all at once in bright flashes like she was seeing a roll of pictures fly by. She turned and saw Paige sound asleep next to her. Spencer gently started to shake Paige's shoulder.

"Paige. We fell asleep. We have to get up and get ready for school." Slowly Paige blinked her eyes open, taking in the situation. When she truly focused on Spencer, her eyes widened in surprise. "I know." Spencer whispered, trying to make Paige understand that she felt the same way. She couldn't believe they had slept together. And she had no idea how to express how it had felt.

So instead Spencer slid out of her bed, stretching out her arms and reaching out to open her blinds. Like it was a normal weekday morning and she hadn't just slept with her best friend's girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend she reminded herself. And there was Toby. Toby who had loved her unconditionally. What if he found out? Suddenly the little food she had consumed for dinner came up as bile, threatening to make her sick. She tried hunching over her desk chair, trying to gain her bearings.

"Spence…" And then Paige was with her, touching her shoulders firmly but gently. Spencer didn't turn around, trying not to give in.

"What I did last night…" Spencer began, shuddering from another wave of fear and nausea. She had messed things up so badly this time.

"What we did…it wasn't just you. I was just as much a part of this as you." Paige emphasized the word we, trying to remind Spencer that whatever this was, they were in it together.

"Fine what we did…Paige…" Spencer began again, still not sure where she was going or what she wanted to say.

"Do you regret it because I'm a girl?" Paige asked quietly. That quietly desperate question made some small part of Spencer resolute.

"I could never regret it because it was with you. I just regret what it means for the other people in our lives. People who love us…"

"I know." Paige agreed, her hands now trailing down Spencer's arms before entwining with her hands. "But I think…I think we needed that." Spencer looked down at her hands in Paige's. She could feel Paige's breath on her neck.

"I wish things were different." Spencer suggested, a hopeful lilt in her voice.

"Me too." Paige breathed. "Maybe…eventually…they can be. When all this is behind us." Spencer let that idea sink in for a moment. A world free of A. A world where they could wait…bide their time till it wouldn't hurt Toby or Emily for them to be together. It was like wishing to live in your perfect dream house in a perfect place. So beautiful and hopeless to think about at the same time.

Spencer turned in Paige's arms, now facing her. She realized Paige had put her jeans on, but was naked from the waist up. Spencer had managed to put on pajamas before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep the night before. She flushed in embarrassment as she gazed at Paige's body in awe. Their eyes met. The air seemed thicker.

"Let me make you some coffee." Spencer whispered to break the spell. Otherwise they would never be out on time.

"You don't have to do that." Paige replied, breaking her gaze away to grab the remainder of her clothes strewn on the floor.

"I want to." Spencer added. The spell had been broken, but she still wanted to feel some semblance of domesticity with Paige. Beautiful and hopeless indeed. Spencer's phone buzzed. She went over to check it and her heart sank as she read the message.

"What's wrong?" Paige asked, trying to button up her top while stealing glances at Spencer.

"Emily wants to meet up at the Brew…sorry but I should go." Paige looked hurt but nodded.

* * *

" _I wasn't defending Ali. I was defending somebody from a long time ago…maybe somebody who never existed." Emily shook her head trying to dismiss the thought. "God, the thing I had with Paige was so genuine." She added, emotion coating her words like honey._

 _Stress felt like a knife wound in Spencer's stomach. Emily had said it so honestly and without pause. Suddenly the piece of toast she had haphazardly grabbed on the way out the door threatened to come back up._

" _Can you fix it?"_

" _Sure, yeah. I can go up to Paige and say, 'So you were right all along. My bad. Let's kiss and make-up.'" Emily replied flippantly. But Spencer knew that's all it would take. Paige might be a little confused but she still loved Emily. Before she could say anything, Emily's phone buzzed._

" _It's Ali." And just like that they could shift the conversation away from the person Spencer couldn't stop thinking about. Things will never work with Paige. It was foolish to think they could, even for a weak moment. Spencer tried to remember that._

* * *

Paige didn't realize how different everything would feel. She had thought only the first time really made the world seem different. Realer and further away at the same time. But going to class after spending her night with Spencer made everything feel more alive. She felt sore in the arc of her foot, her thighs…all the muscles that had tensed so often yesterday.

"Paige?" Paige broke away from her thoughts. It was Sarah. She grimaced in response to the other girl's obvious excitement.

"Sorry Sarah. I know I had notes for class before but I'm lost on the new lesson we are learning. I'm afraid I can't be much help there."

"Oh no…I mean thanks but…do you need help with class?" Sarah sputtered out, turning a little red as she spoke. Paige realized Sarah probably thought she was falling behind in her classes. Of course Sarah would think that with all her absences coupled with staring off in space when she actually was in class.

"Uh…I know I may not seem like the brightest but I'm fine with my course load. I actually might be able to graduate early." Paige replied, slamming her locker to emphasize her point.

"Sorry that isn't what I wanted to ask. Although I'm happy to be a study buddy and I know you're smart…I'm in class with you. I hear your comments so…well I came over to invite you to this movie thing." Now Sarah was completely flushed. Paige felt her own embarrassment, now realizing what the other girl was trying to ask. Sarah pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear and looked down at the ground. Paige realized she must be taking too long to respond because Sarah mumbled never mind and started to turn away.

"Wait I'm sorry. I just came off like a jerk. Honestly I'm flattered but…"

"No I get it. Bridget told me you were still hung up on Emily Fields. Please forget I asked." Sarah finished before walking away too fast for Paige to stop her.

"What was all that about?" Spencer asked. Paige suddenly felt like she was in a dream. A weird, vividly realistic dream she would have to wake up from. It seemed like reality, but everything was slightly distorted and wrong. And what should she say to Spencer? That someone else asked her out but she was already starting to feel the sinister hope that her and Spencer could somehow make things work?

But maybe Spencer needed reassurance that is what Paige wanted. After all she had just mentioned it in passing this morning.

"She asked me out. But I fumbled my answer and she realized I was trying to say no." Spencer looked irritated, like she hadn't even paid attention to what the conversation had been all about.

"Paige…Emily regrets leaving you. She told me this morning." Paige had already started to open her mouth in response, but the shock of what Spencer said hit her before she could formulate her next sentence.

"Wait what?" Paige took Spencer's hand before remembering where they were. Spencer ripped her hand away like the contact burned, before hastily looking around them to see if anyone had noticed. The actions hurt a part of Paige's heart she hadn't realized was vulnerable.

"This…this can't happen. We need to be the people we are. The people we are supposed to be." Spencer explained, trying to sound rational. She'd read once it was a good way to try and calm someone else down during a confrontation, to act calm and reasonable. The strategy wasn't working with Paige though. The girl looked even more devastated. She shook her head, staring into Spencer's eyes.

"We can't just pretend nothing happened between us." Paige said softly. "I didn't think Emily…she's been so caught up with Alison. I never thought…" She trailed off, which Spencer felt was the confirmation she needed. Paige wasn't completely over Emily. "I never thought she would think of me that way again." _And I had just started getting over her. Finally. With you._

"Look…think hard about this Paige because…we only get so many chances. If you want to make things right with Emily or if you want to go on a date with Sarah you can do those things." Spencer felt relieved when the bell went off. "I have to go." She whispered, shuffling away before Paige could speak.

* * *

"Sarah?" The girl turned around, not smiling when she said it was Paige. "Listen…I'm sorry about earlier. Does your offer still stand? The movie thing? They didn't cancel the movie on account of me flubbing my answer?" Paige joked, trying to smile.

"Uh yeah…well I mean no. It is tonight which I realize is short notice but then I just thought…life's short. And I should ask anyway." Sarah smiled, and for a brief moment Paige felt a flicker of hope. This wasn't a terrible idea. She was young and was entitled to terror-free fun.

"I think I might have heard about this. The old-timey movie screening? Isn't that a dress up thing?" She asked, trying to keep her swirling emotions in check. This was normal. This is hope people normally met and went on dates.

"It is! So put on your best old-timey outfit and I can come pick you up. Say around seven?"

"That sounds perfect." Paige said. She felt fine for just a few more moments before she felt confused and heartbroken all over again. What was she doing? Making things even more complicated.

* * *

" _Sydney may be a liar, but she's a damn good swimmer. I liked having her on the team."_

" _She still is on the team. That way we can keep an eye on her." Paige nodded, seemingly satisfied by her answer. But she still seemed cold, distant. It was so rare for Paige to be this way with Emily. It reminded her of how they were when they first met. Back then Paige had secret feelings for her, and Emily wondered if it was even possible Paige could still feel the same way._

" _How does it feel, being back in the locker room?" Paige asked, still seeming to be thinking of something else._

" _Feels good…seems like the only place I see you is at practice." Emily ventured. Paige wondered about what Spencer had told her. Was it really true Emily might want to get back together? Even after Alison had returned?_

" _I know. It's..."_

" _Complicated. Paige, we need to talk. Maybe tonight?" It was far more complicated than Emily could ever know. But a chance to talk with her alone and actually address one of the elephants in the room would be wonderful. Then Paige remembered her date with Sarah._

" _I've got something tonight, but, yeah, we should talk." Emily looked slightly dejected, saying it was okay before getting up to walk away. Then she met Paige's eyes again, and Paige wondered why it had to take all this for Emily to look at her that way. Like she was the object of desire instead of a standard comfort that could be picked up or put away as needed. There were many times in their lives Paige would have done anything for Emily. But could she really give Emily another chance when their future seemed so hopeless?_

 _Spencer's words echoed in Paige's mind as she walked away: 'Look…think hard about this Paige because…we only get so many chances. If you want to make things right with Emily or if you want to go on a date with Sarah you can do those things.'_

 _Paige didn't want to lead Sarah on, but an evening with someone new, someone she barely knew sounded refreshing._

* * *

 _'This…this can't happen. We need to be the people we are. The people we are supposed to be.' Spencer thought to herself, repeating the sentences like a mantra in her head. Because it was something to strive for. She was sitting on her couch, kissing Toby passionately and trying desperately to follow her own advice._

 _It wasn't that she didn't enjoy being with Toby. He was comfortable and familiar and he had been there for her so many times. But that was just it. When you are dating someone who functions more like the knight in shining armor in a storybook than a flesh-and-blood person, you start to wonder if you are with them because you want to be or you're supposed to be._

 _Still, she pulled away and smiled, trying to think of something clever to say._

" _You're going to make an excellent authority figure."_

" _Where is everybody?" Toby asked, looking around._

" _My mom is taking marathon depositions and my dad is staying at his club, which was something I only thought men did in old movies." Toby smiled a bit, and Spencer leaned into him again, trying to remember all the things that had attracted her to him in the first place. And trying to overcome the guilt she felt at thinking of Paige and the night they had spent together._

" _And Melissa?"_

" _I don't know. She may be back in Europe. She may be at the Edgewood Motor Court. The only thing I know for sure is that she isn't here. Hey, when was the last time you saw Caleb?"_

" _Um... Couple of nights after my house blew up. I checked at the cabin to see if he needed anything."_

" _How did he seem to you?"_

" _Why don't you tell me?"_

" _Hanna stopped drinking, but he hasn't. He says it helps him sleep."_

" _Maybe it does."_

" _I think there's more to it than that." Spencer replied, surprised Toby was so nonchalant about his friend's behavior in the past few months._

" _You think or Hanna thinks?" What did that mean? She wasn't sure if Toby was implying he was more dismissive or her or Hanna's opinion when it came to Caleb._

" _He's different. Not in big ways, but just... little things." Spencer tried to explain._

" _Such as?" Toby asked, still not paying complete attention. Spencer knew he didn't completely believe her._

" _He looks... There's a word that's lost all of its meaning, but it's what I think of when I see him."_

" _What word?"_

" _Haunted." That finally seemed to trigger realization in Toby's face. "What?"_

" _It's not drinking. It's something else."_

" _What makes you say that?"_

" _Because I saw that look that you're talking about. I saw it when he came back from Ravenswood."_

* * *

It was nice to be on a date, out in the open. A year ago Paige would have been nerve-wracked to be seen in public with another girl, but Sarah had put her right at ease. She had picked Paige up promptly at seven, and Paige offered to treat her to a coffee before the show. She was exhausted emotionally from the past twenty-four hours, and swim practice had knocked her out physically.

Paige walked into the Brew and quickly got the drinks and paid, turning around to see Emily.

" _Hey."_

" _Hey." Emily's eyes travelled up and down Paige's body, taking in how dressed up she was. It was clear she had dressed up for a date. Maybe a formal event, but Emily couldn't think of any that would be happening that night. She looked beautiful._

" _I didn't think you worked this shift anymore." Paige said, trying to think of anything to steer the conversation away from her outfit. She didn't really feel comfortable in dresses, but wanted to keep to the costume theme of the night._

" _Uh, I don't. I mean I'm just helping out tonight."_

" _Oh."_

" _Are you going somewhere? I mean you must be going somewhere." Emily suggested, looking sad as the realization set in. Paige was moving on._

" _Yes, I am going somewhere." Paige stood there, suddenly uncomfortable at the knowledge, so clear now, that Emily really wasn't over her. And that even though she had fallen for someone else she would always have feelings towards Emily. Especially in moments like these, where it truly seemed like Emily loved her. Even despite Alison being back and alive. Even despite the fact they would be three thousand miles away from each other next fall. Maybe she really did need to have that talk with Emily after all._

" _In fact I got to go." Paige said, flushed with emotions._

" _Okay. Have a good night." Emily said, still watching as she walked out._

* * *

" _You tried." Spencer said, trying not to think about how Toby constantly tried to make their relationship work. And he really had tried to talk to Caleb, to reason with him._

" _All I did was screw it up." Toby replied, throwing down his napkin and starting to walk out. Spencer knew she should just let him. She was stressed about Melissa, about A, about Paige, about herself. And seeing this person who had been her rock through almost all of it walk away just seemed like too much._

" _Toby... Don't you run out on me, too!" He stopped, seeming to calm down._

" _I'm not. I'm not running out on you. I'm sorry. I was... I was just mad at myself." He took in the emotion still on Spencer's face. "Are you okay?"_

" _Compared to what?" She was bitter and said the first response that came to mind. Maybe for a few hours yesterday she felt okay, but that was a temporary calm in the storm._

" _Well, does this have anything to do with what Melissa sent you?" He asked. Because of course he wouldn't think it was about anything else._

" _No. Yes, maybe." Spencer finally answered, covering all the bases._

* * *

It was clear Aria had seen her with Sarah. Paige knew that. But there was nothing she could do about it now. Maybe Aria would tell Emily, maybe she wouldn't. Maybe she would mention it in passing to Spencer. And Paige would be outed as whatever kind of womanizer she had become in the past day.

 _It's just an evening with a girl. You shouldn't have to feel guilty about that. You're not leading her or anyone else on._ But Paige wasn't so sure she could trust her inner voice these days.

"So I think the first movie is _Strangers on a Train_. Have you seen it before?" Sarah asked, smiling at Paige. Paige tore her eyes away from Aria's gaze and refocused on Sarah.

"No I haven't. What's it about?" Paige asked, smiling.

"Two men meet on a train, get to talking and eventually end up revealing how they both have someone in their lives they'd like to murder. So they decide to switch murders so no one will suspect them." Sarah said, obviously excited to see it. Paige thought about it…two people who would do something no one would suspect of them. Covering their tracks.

"Sounds like it…escalates quickly." Paige offered, just trying to keep the conversation going. She could still feel Aria's eyes on her back though she was sure by now the other girl had better things to focus on.

"Yeah I guess so." Sarah grinned. "So…besides being in class with you I know you're on the swim team. What's that like? Why swimming?"

* * *

Sarah hadn't made a move during the movie, though Paige could tell she wouldn't have minded if Paige had taken her hand or made a move. Paige did take her arm as they walked up the stairs to the exit, wanting to at least be courteous.

When they arrived back at Paige's house, Sarah didn't turn off the car but she put it in park.

"I had a great time. Thanks for coming, and going the extra nine by dressing up. You look gorgeous by the way." She said, growing a bit red at being so bold. Paige flushed in response.

"You look fantastic Sarah. Thank you for a great night." Paige could feel the energy in the car change slightly, become a little more charged. Sarah leaned over for a hug and Paige reciprocated, hoping she was wrong. But she was right. When Sarah pulled back she only did enough to kiss Paige gently on the lips. Paige let the kiss linger for a second before breaking away, realizing how guilty she truly felt.

"Sorry if that was too forward."

"No…you did nothing wrong. I'm thankful you asked me out…"

"But there's still someone else. I figured. But a girl's got to try right?" Sarah said, smoothing over the situation. Paige allowed herself to relax a bit.

"No harm in trying. Have a good night Sarah."

"You too."

Paige waited till Sarah had pulled away before pulling her keys out her purse and getting in her car. Maybe it was past trying at this point, but Paige had to make her feelings known. Even if only once.

* * *

Fortunately, Spencer was the one who opened the door. She did the same double take Emily did at her little black dress, but her expression was different. Paige couldn't quite place the emotion.

"Paige…what?!" Spencer asked, opening the door wider to allow Paige in. Paige still had to brush past to actually walk in, noting the spark she felt as their arms brushed.

"Is anyone home? I'm sorry I came over without warning." She breathlessly apologized.

"No they're all out. It's okay…I thought I wanted to be alone but I could use some human companionship. Come on." Spencer instructed, leading Paige over to the couch. But Paige stayed standing.

"I went out to that noir movie night with Sarah. It was a dress up function." Paige answered, on auto pilot. And surprised at how eerily familiar this conversation felt. Spencer froze, turning around to face Paige.

"Oh. How was it?" Spencer asked quietly.

"It was fine. The movie was good and Sarah was sweet." Spencer nodded, trying to muster up a smile. But then Paige continued.

"It was a great night until she kissed me. And I realized she wasn't the girl I wanted to be on a date with." Paige husked her last few words, looking deep in Spencer's eyes.

"Paige?" Spencer asked as the other girl strode up and wrapped her arms around her waist, still gazing into her eyes.

"Spencer." Paige said.

"We can't do this anymore." But even as she said it, Spencer was leaning into Paige's embrace. Her strong embrace. Paige began by kissing her on the mouth, their tongues quickly meeting in the middle. But she wasn't content with that, already pulling away to trail kisses down Spencer's jawline and neck. Spencer felt herself being pushed back over the couch's armrest, her back arching as Paige pushed forward.

"I couldn't stop thinking of you. Of how much I wished I had been out with you…to have you on my arm in one of your dresses like the one you wore to the Halloween train. I know I shouldn't say these things…" Paige said, breathing heavily from kissing Spencer hard. And from trying desperately to show restraint. The restraint came more difficult when she met Spencer's eyes and saw the same struggle there.

Spencer traced Paige's jawline with a single thumb and the sensation felt nearly as intense as the make out session itself. Paige had never felt something this intense before, and wondered if it was just because of how illicit, how forbidden it was. But as Spencer pulled her down and started to run her hands up and down Paige's body, she knew it wasn't just the feeling they weren't supposed to be together that made it so intense. It was them together. It was how it would've always be if they could just be together.

"Me too. I wanted to be the one on that date."

"Then when Aria saw me with Sarah…I understood I was just dreaming. That it could never be like that."

"I need you again. One last time. Maybe it can help us get it out of our systems." One of Spencer's hands slipped under the hem of Paige's dress, caressing up over smooth skin. Paige froze, wanting nothing more than for Spencer to keep going.

"Please Spencer. I need it too." Paige said, her hips starting to move against her will, trying to get Spencer closer.

"This dress…I don't like it. It doesn't seem like you." Spencer said. It was the last words they exchanged for hours.


	12. Taking This One to the Grave

**Chapter Eleven: Taking This One to the Grave**

Spencer and Paige lay in each other's arms. Only a thin sheet covered their naked bodies, sheened with sweat from exertion. It had reminded Spencer of their days on the field hockey team, only then she had to fight Paige back and resist. It was much easier and more rewarding to just let Paige take her.

This time had been rougher, less gentle as they had lost control. Spencer had had to creep back down the stairs to make sure they hadn't left any evidence on the couch of what they had done. And afterwards, Paige simple held her and didn't speak, trying not to ruin the moment.

"Did you talk to Emily?" Spencer asked softly. At first she though Paige might have fallen asleep, but then she looked up from where her head rested on Paige's shoulder to see the other girl shaking her head.

"Not yet." Paige replied, her expression nearly blank at the thought.

"We both want her to be happy." Spencer stated.

"Of course." Paige agreed. But Spencer could just hear the melancholy note in her voice.

"I want you to be happy." Spencer added.

"I know." Paige answered.

"You still love her. I can tell."

"It's complicated." Paige stated, pulling away from Spencer far enough to look in the other girl's eyes. "I mean…how can you tell when I'm not completely sure?" She stroked Spencer's arm as she waited for a reply.

"I see the way you still look at her. The way you react to her name." Spencer stated. Her voice stayed flat, reasonable.

"What about the way I react to you?" Paige asked softly, trailing her fingers down along Spencer's curves.

"I would never ask you to compare me to Emily."

"At this point there's no comparison." Paige whispered, her voice pained with emotion, glancing up to meet Spencer's gaze. Spencer would never forget the intensity in Paige's eyes in that brief moment, the silent answer she had secretly, selfishly longed to hear. That would have to be enough to sustain her long after Paige left and her bed was cold. "You know if things were different…" Spencer grabbed Paige's chin and kissed her chastely to silence her. They had already been through this.

"But things aren't different. It's not wrong for you to move on."

"What if she's able to tell? That something happened between us?" Spencer noted the past tense.

"She won't." Spencer said, getting started to leave the bed. "Being a good liar is part of the reason we're in this whole mess to begin with."

"Wait." Before she could get up, Paige grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her back. The sudden movement sent a bolt of arousal to Spencer's core. She let Paige pull her down so their bodies were connected again. Paige's skin was soft but her muscles were hard against Spencer's body.

"Again?" Spencer tried to sound incredulous but the truth was she was still ready to go again, especially once she leaned against Paige, her center connecting with Paige's thigh. Her eyes fluttered shut as her breath hitched.

"Paige…" She groaned helplessly, her hips already starting to roll again Paige's body. Paige's hand down Spencer's stomach, noticing how Spencer flinched then leaned into her. She other hand was wrapped around Spencer's hair, pulling the other girl's head and mouth down to hers.

* * *

"Paige McCullers to the guidance counselor's office. Paige McCullers to the guidance counselor's office." The paging system demanded. Paige's Spanish teacher nodded at her to head out.

Paige had never been summoned like this to the guidance counselor's office before. She just met her counselor for the standard schedule planning each semester and that was it. Mrs. Albright hadn't even realized till after the fact Paige had been accepted to Stanford on a full swim scholarship. She had no idea what this could possibly be about.

She walked into the woman's office, noting the knick-knacks of farm animals like pigs and cows she collected. Mrs. Albright was at the upper-level of middle age and still wore cat frame glasses long after it had fallen out of vogue. But she was kind and good-natured.

"Paige! Thanks for coming. Please sit down." She waited till Paige sat and asked how she was doing.

"Um…good! Things are going good. Just…"

"Wondering why I called you in?"

"Exactly." Paige finished, offering a small smile.

"Well congratulations again on your full-ride to Stanford. That is an incredible accomplishment. The main reason I called you in is you will actually complete requirements to graduate this semester." Paige felt like she couldn't have heard that right.

"Wait what?"

"I know it doesn't seem possible but it is. You've completed requirements to graduate. With being an athlete in both the fall and spring, you opted out of physical education and took extra English and history classes instead. Those earned you enough credits to graduate in the winter." Mrs. Albright opened a folder on her desk and started pointing at the confirmation that Paige was indeed ready to graduate.

If this was the case, maybe what Spencer had proposed wouldn't be so bad. She could try to fix things between her and Emily before she left. And then she would be able to start over again. Emily would never know what happened with Spencer. She realized Mrs. Albright was still talking and she hadn't been listening.

"I'm sorry what?"

"Even if you graduate early, you would still be able to attend school functions for spring semester, namely your prom and graduation ceremony. I know the hardest decision for students in this situation is thinking they will be unable to attend social functions."

"Do my parents know about this?"

"The school sent out a letter to them today explaining the situation. They might be interested in some of the early swim training camps Stanford offers. I started to do a little research, and I'd be happy to send them the information as well."

"Wait and leave Rosewood early?"

"Again that is up to you and your family. But it is an option. And if you are really thinking about pursuing competitive swimming as a career it should be a serious consideration." Mrs. Albright strained another smile and handed Paige the folder she had been looking at.

"Paige…I know many people think it's a disservice to tell your generation how special and unique you all are. And they are right in saying that. But you as an individual have a bright future ahead of you. High school feels like everything now, but in a couple years it will be a distant memory. So think wisely about this."

The bell rang to signal the end of class, so Paige took her cue and left Mrs. Albright's office.

* * *

 _Emily dropped a book on the ground, but just as she noticed it fall a familiar figure came and picked it up, handing it back to her._

" _Thanks." She said, smiling at Paige._

" _So are you ready for Thanksgiving?" Paige asked, clearly trying to make conversation but not knowing quite what to say._

' _Uh, not really, no. Because we usually decorate early for Christmas and this year, I'm totally behind." Christmas always made Emily think of her dad. It was the one time of year her family hoped to be together. Decorating had always been a Fields family tradition._

" _If you need any help..." Paige said, shrugging as she trailed off. She still felt guilty about what she was doing._

" _How was your night, the one you got all dressed up for?"_

 _Paige thought back to Spencer staring up at her, nodding to grant permission as Paige's hand trailed up her inner thigh. By that time the dress had already been discarded somewhere on the path from the couch to Spencer's bed. When Paige's hand had finally found Spencer's center they had both sighed in relief at the contact, their foreheads touching as they started another heated kiss._

" _It was a costume thing. Mine didn't really fit." And Spencer was the only person that night who knew the dress wasn't something I liked wearing. She was the only one who saw me for who I really am, whoever that it. Paige tried to refocus, to tear her thoughts away from Spencer. She needed to do something to take her mind off Spencer Hastings._

" _We never had our talk." Emily offered, trying to keep the stilted conversation going. Paige had never felt so out of sorts talking to Emily since they had started dating. Maybe talking was the wrong way to go about this._

" _I'm tired of talking." Paige whispered._

 _Paige surged forward and kissed Emily gently on the lips, catching the other girl by surprise. Emily didn't even take her hands off the books she was holding. The kiss was soft and succinct, Paige pulled away quickly. Kissing Emily still felt good. And Emily looked happy which is what both Paige and Spencer wanted after all._

* * *

"Hey guess what?" Hanna asked, bumping Spencer's shoulder as she walked into Spencer's house.

"What? Why are you so hyper right now?"

"I think Paige and Emily are back together. Caleb and I were over at Emily's attempting to help her with her psychotic Christmas decorating and…" Spencer felt a stab of cold pain in her stomach, and lost focus on what Hanna was saying. She knew it was going to happen and had practically pushed Paige back into Emily's arms so she shouldn't be surprised. But it still felt awful. Worse than she thought it would.

"Spencer hello? Are you even listening anymore?! Emily is so anal she even had blueprints of where each ornament should be on the tree. Like for every single one of them!" Hanna explained, exasperated. "Why do you look so sad you didn't even have to help with decorations?"

"Nothing…just stressed out. In case you don't remember Alison might be about to rat us all out as liars and get us arrested." Spencer realized she had snapped at Hanna and started to apologize but Hanna waved her off.

"You're right, it's fine." She said. The others should be over soon and hopefully they could put some of this behind them by working together with Mona.

* * *

"Thanks for helping with the decorations." Emily said, handing Paige a mug of hot chocolate. Paige had earned a treat for tolerating Emily's type A decorating personality.

"I don't know about helping. I think I mostly got in the way. But it was nice hanging out together and helping you prep for seeing your dad. I know it means a lot to you." Paige took a sip of the drink and smiled. It tasted good.

"Yeah well…" Emily sat her mug down and slowly walked over to Paige, smiling as she leaned into her. "The holidays should be a time to be with the ones we love." She kissed Paige, cupping her cheek and wrapping a hand around her hips. Paige sat the mug down on the table behind her and wrapped her arms around Emily. As the kiss deepened, Paige tried to remember what it had first been like to kiss Emily, when everything was frightening but fresh and overwhelming.

Emily's hand started to slowly but persistently trace the curve of Paige's hip. Paige tried to edge away a little bit, but Emily just started to kiss her neck, her hand slipping under Paige's sweater so she could start to trace Paige's lean stomach. Paige felt her body naturally starting to react, and pulled back.

When Spencer was with her, she knew beyond a doubt Spencer wasn't thinking about anybody else. That was the benefit of being the other woman…in those brief times she was with Spencer, they belonged completely to each other. Could she say the same for Emily? She couldn't even say the same when Alison was thought to be dead, let alone Alison being alive and in Rosewood.

Maybe is Alison DiLaurentis had never existed, Emily would be happy with Paige and just Paige.

"Hey shouldn't we slow down…your mom might come home soon." Paige groaned, trying to think of anything to stop this from happening so soon. She wasn't ready.

"God!" Emily exclaimed, clearly frustrated. "You're right. I've just missed you…missed us. I need you Paige." She whispered, still tracing Paige's abs. "It's been too long." Paige shuddered as she pulled away from Emily's touch. She sighed and picked up her mug of hot chocolate again.

"I know Em. We'll get there. Just not right now." For a moment Paige felt Emily study her face and eyes, looking for something. She shifted her eyes to the ground and hung her head.

"Yeah. We'll get there." Emily nodded, trying to convince herself it was just a weird snafu they would work through and nothing more. Because what else would it even be?

* * *

Emily said she was sick. Paige knew part of the reason she was bringing soup over was to catch her in a lie. One thing she had gotten good at was detecting when Emily was lying. She had years of practice after all.

When she saw Alison leaving, her could suddenly feel all the acid in her stomach churning. She had just known that Emily would never stop seeing Alison. Even if Alison could never give her what she wanted. Not completely. Even if Paige had once offered Emily everything she had.

What alarmed Paige was, as much as she cared and felt hurt, mostly she felt indifferent. Her true heart, her true feelings, lay elsewhere with someone else.

But she knew she should follow Alison and try to figure out what she was up to. She got in her car and drove, trying to follow Cindy and Mindy.

* * *

" _Spencer, it's not your fault." Aria said as she stroked Spencer's back._

" _Were you at the hospital all night?" Hanna hesitantly asked._

" _Yeah." Spencer said morosely. Her friends would never know how upsetting the complete situation was. Everytime she thought she could let Toby off the hook something like this happened. But A seemed to know about her and Paige. Maybe A just liked trapping her in an impossible situation._

" _He's going to be fine. You said so yourself." Emily assured her._

" _He's going to be in that cast for about a month." Spencer said. Toby's accident quadrupled her feelings of guilt and dread whenever she was around him. It was getting hard to hide how she really felt._

" _How much does he know?"_

" _Everything." It wasn't technically a lie…Aria was asking about the business with A, not the feelings Spencer was grappling with. Just then Paige walked up to them, clearly distraught._

" _Emily, I have to talk to you." Spencer noted that she didn't say Em._

" _Um, Paige, I'm sorry, now is not a good time." Emily said, starting to shake her head._

" _I brought you some soup last night because you said you weren't feeling well." Paige tried to explain._

" _Yeah, and I lied because..."_

" _Explain it to me later." Even though Paige didn't think Emily could explain that in a satisfying manner. "I saw Alison leaving. Cindy and Mindy were her ride. They drove her out to this abandoned farm. There had to have been at least a dozen cars out there. Guys, Ali is building an army of her own." Paige ventured a glance at Spencer right before the cops came. In hindsight, the moment felt like the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice._

" _Spencer Hastings, you're under arrest for the murder of Bethany Young." Paige tried hard to look upset but not too upset even as ice water flooded her veins._

" _No. I-I-I didn't do this. Toby!" Spencer called his name not because she loved him but because she hoped he could say something to stop this. She tried not to look at Paige._

" _Guys!" Spencer cried out. Paige literally bit her tongue, trying to quell her reaction. It took everything not to try and fight the arresting officers off the girl she loved._

" _Spencer!" Toby shouted, unable to move after them._

" _Toby." Spencer said, panicked and defeated at the same time._

"What do we do?" Emily asked, looking at the others.

"I'll go after her." Paige and Aria said at the same time, both starting to move before Paige realized she shouldn't have said that out loud.

"No." Toby ordered, his voice ringing loud enough to cause them all to stop moving. "She's being booked on a murder charge. They aren't going to let you just hang out at the station while she's processed. Just…I'll call Mrs. Hastings." He said, his voice cracking a little bit as he lifted his phone up. Only it slipped from his shaking hands and fell to the floor, a loud plastic noise against the hardwood.

Paige walked over and picked it up, handing it back to him while meeting his gaze.

"Do what you have to do." Paige said. She turned and walked back to Emily, who was talking animatedly with Hanna and Aria. "Em…" Paige opened her arms as Emily came towards her, enveloping her in a hug.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. Nothing happened with Alison I promise." Emily said, her voice broken up.

"It's fine. It's fine." Paige whispered into Emily's ear. It wasn't, but that was the thing. When everything was messed up, you had to put on a face and act like it was fine. That was the lie they all lived with.

* * *

 **Author's Note: As a prequel this would technically be the end of the story as "The Island of Misfits" takes place during the next episode "How the 'A' Stole Christmas."However I have at least 1-2 more chapters of this story to tell so this is not in fact the end of this fic. Again thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed my work. Special thanks to Viva33 for the reviews! All I can say is it is an honor for my fic to be your first experience with the McHastings ship, and the great news is there are plenty of other, WAY better McHastings fics to go through and read :-)**


	13. Endings

I really lost touch with my writing for a long while. I'm sorry about the delay but as I said before I didn't want to leave a story unfinished, particularly since the episodes following Paige's departure really cemented my idea for this story in the first place! Thanks for anyone who stuck around to read this last chapter. I'm so grateful for the reads, reviews, and follows. Writing this story and interacting with readers has been a real pleasure.

 **Chapter Twelve: Endings**

 **Through a Glass, Darkly**

 _Paige lay against Emily as Emily stroked her arm. For some reason Emily's room felt bare to her at this point. She remembered being so amazed at Emily's window seat when she first visited. Now it seemed like nothing. The magic had worn off the room and their relationship. And rather than confronting the issue, Paige was opting to take the coward's way out and she knew it._

" _Did you finish packing?" Emily asked. Again._

" _Yes." Paige replied, trying to not get irritated. Emily was just nervous._

" _I thought three months, I'd get used to the idea of you leaving... but I haven't." Emily sounded sad but not devastated._

" _Neither have I." Paige admitted, thinking about how Christmas might be the last time she'd ever see Spencer._

" _You'll miss graduation." Paige smiled for a moment._

" _My parents say that's just a technicality." Truth is graduation was just a technicality to Paige too. She didn't mind missing it._

" _And prom. That was a technicality I was looking forward to." Paige sighed at Emily's words. Being at prom with Emily while Toby and Spencer were there together was one of the main things she wanted to miss. "Maybe if we talked to your parents one more time…" Emily suggested again. She didn't realize that Paige had told her parents she wanted to leave. That she needed to leave for both her and Emily's own good._

" _They can't hear anything. I have enough credits to leave early and that's all that counts. They want me someplace safe." Paige knew she shouldn't put it all on her parents. But she couldn't tell Emily the truth without making her suspicious._

" _California has earthquakes."_

" _I pointed that out. It didn't work though." Paige silently begged for Emily just to drop it._

" _I'll take you to the airport." Emily offered. Paige scoffed._

" _My parents will take me. You don't have to do that." And Paige knew Emily would probably end up blowing her off for something related to Alison anyway. Ever since they had gotten back together, they had constantly competed with the specters of Spencer and Alison. Alison was an albatross hanging off Emily's neck even if Emily couldn't admit it to herself._

" _I don't have to, I want to." Emily assured her. Paige sat up and turned to face her, confusing Emily. "What?"_

" _I heard a song the other day. Old song. The girl says, 'Your eyes. It's a day's work just to look into them.'" And that was true. She could gaze into Emily's eyes all day, and never quite find what they were looking for together._

* * *

" _Well, that was a bust." Spencer said. She hoped she could get Jason to plead her case but it seemed unlikely he would budge._

" _Spencer." Emily said, trying to caution her._

" _No, Em, just... You should go, okay? Go, be with Paige, because at least one of us deserves a good last day in Rosewood."_

* * *

"Paige honey…I would just prefer we take you to the airport. We are still your parents after all." Paige's mom cautioned, gently touching Paige's hair. Paige cracked a small smile through her tired eyes. She was actually tired from crying.

"I know…but you'll be coming soon to help me settle in. I don't know when I'll see Emily again." Paige stated flatly.

"Are you sure she will come with enough time to spare? It's getting close to the time you should leave."

"She'll be here." Paige answered, even though she thought it could go either way. Then the doorbell rang out, and Paige's heartbeat spiked as she stood up. She couldn't believe it. This was actually early.

But when she glanced through the peephole, she realized it was Spencer who had come, looking anxious. Paige opened the door and Spencer practically fell into her arms.

"I didn't think I'd see you again." Spencer said, trying to memorize Paige's scent. Paige closed her eyes and leaned into Spencer's embrace, the rest of the world melting away.

"Em…oh…how are you Spencer? Are you going to take Paige to the airport?" Paige's mom asked, sounding disappointed. Spencer quickly broke away from Paige – too quickly and shook her head as she blushed.

"No Mrs. McCullers. I just wanted to say goodbye in person." Spencer's words came out choked and barely audible. She was having trouble keeping her breathing under control.

"Would you mind if we had a moment alone mom?" Paige asked. She didn't wait for the answer as she nodded for Spencer to follow her upstairs to her stripped room.

"Yeah…that's uh, fine honey." Her mom said, sounding confused.

Once they got up to the room Paige shut the door and wrapped one arm around Spencer's waist and used the other to gently rest her hand on Spencer's chest, feeling the other girl's rapid heartbeat. It mirrored her own.

"I told Emily to come spend the day with you. I tried to stay away but she's caught up in trying…" Paige cut Spencer's explanation off.

"To get Alison. I know. It's always about Alison with Emily." Paige explained before taking Spencer's chin in her hand and drawing her into a slow, long kiss. Spencer sighed and responded, trying to deepen the kiss before Paige pulled away.

Once they broke apart they just looked in each other's eyes. Then Spencer began to push Paige gently towards the bed. Paige shook her head.

"We don't have time. My mom could walk in." Paige reasoned, but Spencer shook her head.

"I know that. I just need to feel your body next to mine." Spencer explained, curling up against Paige's frame. They laid there against each other for as long as they could. Paige's body thrummed with a feeling so intense she could barely stand it. It could never be enough. She could never get enough of Spencer Hastings.

Spencer closed her eyes and tried to focus on how good it felt to be wrapped in Paige's arms. She would give anything for more time. But she knew she couldn't stay. It was already a huge risk having even come to Paige's house tonight.

"She might be coming any moment now. I should go." Spencer sadly admitted.

"I know. Thanks for coming." Paige said, even though it broke her heart for this moment to end. For things to end with Spencer so soon. Spencer held Paige tighter for just a moment longer before breaking their contact. But as she walked out, she paused in the doorway. Her back was still to Paige.

"If I was yours…you wouldn't have to wait by the phone if I said I'd be here for you. I haven't always been an easy person to date. I know why now. I had never been with the right person before." Paige hadn't seen Spencer's face as she spoke, but she could tell the other girl had been choked up.

"Spencer…" Paige whispered, her own voice catching. Spencer kept walking before she could even think of the right thing to say. So instead she waited a moment, then rushed to her window to watch Spencer walk away into the night.

* * *

 _As she was talking to Aria, her cell phone began to ring._

" _What is it?" Aria asked, nodding towards the phone._

" _It's Paige. I wanted to take her to the airport, but she has to leave now." Emily explained, frustrated to have to reject another phone call from Paige._

" _Oh, maybe that's what you should do." Aria half-heartedly suggested. Emily shook her head, thinking about Alison._

" _No, we have to do this together."_

* * *

"Mom? You're right…it's time." Paige said, trying not to cry. "I'm going to need you to take me to the airport after all." She knew she couldn't be too upset with Emily given all she had done to the other girl. But it still hurt to be let down one last time.

* * *

 _Emily couldn't believe Paige was still in the airport. She was desperate, trying to reason with Paige and convince her to stay._

" _Paige, you don't have to go. They arrested Alison for killing Mona. She's in jail." Paige's stomach did an unhappy flip._

" _She won't stay there." It was all Paige could think to say._

" _Yes, she will. Tell your parents, they have to let you stay. It's safe now."_

" _Emily, I have to go." Paige stressed. She couldn't tell her the real truth but she had to try and explain somehow._

" _Listen to me, you don't."_

" _Yes, I do. I've thought about this for months, and I do."_

" _Why?" I'm in love with your best friend. She's all I think about Paige thought to herself._

" _First, because my parents want me to."_

" _Okay. Well, we can fight that."_

" _I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of fighting. I've used so much energy fighting and being afraid, I'm worried I'm not gonna have anything left to just live. You know what I mean." The moment those words left Paige's mouth she knew it was the truth. She had to try and make a clean break from Rosewood. Her presence was hurting Spencer and Emily at this point. Even Emily's next words were softer, accepting._

" _Yeah. I guess I do."_

* * *

 **Out, Damned Spot**

" _I know you must miss Paige" Spencer said, carefully watching Emily's reaction. But the other girl barely registered Spencer's words._

* * *

 **To Plea or Not To Plea**

"Spencer, Mom went out of her way to track down her friend who works at St. Andrews. It wasn't easy getting you that interview. I don't want to go on another interview. Yesterday was embarrassing enough. It's not like you to run away. The Spencer I know would stay and nail it just to prove a point." Melissa explained.

"Okay, I'm not running away. This just isn't a good time for me to be here."

"Why?"

"Because there's a lot going on with my friends and..." Paige, Spencer thought. She entertained, just for a moment, confessing to her sister. Finally telling someone how she truly felt. But she was still a coward.

" ...Toby." She finished lamely.

"What's going on with Toby?"

"I don't know. We're not really talking right now. He became a cop to try to protect me. And now his job is ruining our relationship." At least that was all partially true, if not completely unfair to Toby. His job was a fracture to their already strained relationship but it certainly wasn't the reason they were headed for a crisis.

"Sounds like being here is what you need. Sometimes relationships run their course. But you can't see it until you have a little distance." Melissa's words twisted the knife in Spencer's gut. She tried to say it again, being careful with her words.

"It's not... it's not just about Toby." She started cautiously. If anyone could understand about her feelings for Paige, someone she was never supposed to care for, it might be Melissa.

"You know what the best part about living here has been for me? Getting a fresh start. Away from all the Rosewood drama." Melissa dismissively said, trying to cut her sister off. She was worried Spencer would outright confess to murder. She didn't want to hear it, didn't want to hear or see anything else incriminating again Spencer.

"Yeah, that must be nice."

"This could be your future, too. Don't miss out on the opportunity." Melissa offered. The conversation was effectively over. The chance to come clean had come and gone.

* * *

 **Welcome to the Dollhouse**

"Spencer, don't start..."

"I didn't start anything. The quitter did. That's what you do, isn't it, Emily? You quit things. When things are too much for you, you just throw in the towel. I mean, you quit the swim team. You quit Paige. You even quit Maya." On paper, Maya was the ultimate teardown. She had died, forces far beyond Emily's control. Spencer knew that's what made it such a perfect insult to hiss at Emily. But what she said about Paige wasn't true either. Paige had quit Rosewood altogether to spare herself and Emily.

* * *

 **Songs of Innocence/Songs of Experience**

Spencer waited for what felt like hours, but was really only about forty seconds before excusing herself to the bathroom. Eight missed calls and double as many texts. She hadn't been able to get away from her family and Toby since finally escaping the doll house. It took about half a ring before Paige picked up, the connection crackling from the spotty cell service.

"Spence." She breathed. Spencer closed her eyes but the tears started falling anyway.

"Paige." She sniffled and tried again so her voice wouldn't crack. "I saw you had called and texted."

"I have to come back." Paige whispered, and then Spencer heard her voice break as she started crying too.

"No Paige. I'm…we're all going to be fine. We just need time." Spencer said. Paige could not quit now.

"Is it true? Andrew was responsible? He…he did those terrible things to you. To Emily." Spencer shook her head. Paige didn't know yet.

"We are still trying to piece it all together. But he might have been involved yeah." Spencer said quietly. She didn't have long. Toby would be coming over any moment and her mother was probably hovering outside.

"I hate myself for leaving. For not being there for you." For a moment, Spencer allowed herself to imagine Paige having been there when she'd gotten out of the doll house. She would have run straight into her arms in those desperate moments.

"Don't say that. Don't even think it. You did the right thing." Spencer said.

"No I didn't I left. I quit instead of really trying. Spencer being away from Rosewood I realize how narrow-minded we were being. We could have come clean. It would have hurt Toby and Emily but they would have gotten over it." Spencer shut her burning eyes. She was exhausted and the tears made her even more tired. "We could have gotten past all the high school drama…" Spencer winced and cut the other girl off.

"I love you Paige." She could hear Paige's sharp intake of breath. But the silence just lasted a moment.

"I love you too." Paige said. "Maybe one day…" She weakly offered.

"Paige please. I can't…I can't do this." Spencer couldn't do hope like that. Hope breeds misery. She could hear Toby call her name from outside the bathroom door.

"I have to go." Spencer whispered.

* * *

 **Last Dance**

" _I wrote about what it means to support someone unconditionally even when they haven't been entirely honest with you. And how everybody needs somebody to be inspired by. Somebody who sets the bar really high. Somebody who'll put someone else's needs before their own.. ...and then not resent them for it. Somebody who always expects you to do the right thing.. ...and then forgives you when you don't."_


End file.
